Gentle ways to encourage confidence in kids

Building confidence in children is not about pushing them to achieve constantly or expecting perfection.

True confidence grows when children feel safe, valued, and supported.

As parents, carers, or educators, there are gentle and practical ways to help children develop self-assurance, resilience, and a sense of independence that will benefit them throughout life.

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Praise effort, not just achievement

One of the simplest ways to encourage confidence is to focus on effort rather than outcome. Complimenting a child for trying hard, being persistent, or showing curiosity helps them understand that their value is not solely in success. For example, instead of saying, “Well done on getting an A,” you might say, “I’m proud of how much effort you put into your school work.” This reinforces the idea that learning and growth matter more than perfection.

Encourage decision-making

Allowing children to make small choices in their daily life can significantly boost their confidence. Simple decisions, like choosing what to wear, what to eat for breakfast, or which activity to try, give children a sense of autonomy. Over time, this helps them trust their instincts and develop problem-solving skills, which are crucial for self-esteem.

Offer gentle challenges

Children gain confidence when they face challenges and overcome them, but it’s important to keep these challenges manageable. Encouraging a child to try a new activity, solve a tricky puzzle, or speak up in class can help them realise their abilities. Praise their bravery in trying, rather than just the result. Even if they don’t succeed at first, the experience of persevering builds resilience and confidence.

Model confidence yourself

Children learn a great deal from observing adults. By modelling calm problem-solving, self-compassion, and positive self-talk, you demonstrate what confident behaviour looks like. Share your own experiences of overcoming difficulties or learning something new. This normalises the idea that making mistakes is part of learning, and that confidence grows through practice, not instant success.

Listen & validate feelings

Confidence is closely linked to emotional security. Taking the time to listen to a child’s feelings and acknowledging them helps them feel understood and supported. Avoid dismissing worries with phrases like, “Don’t be silly” or “You’ll be fine.” Instead, validate their emotions: “I understand you feel nervous about this. It’s okay to feel that way, and I believe you can handle it.” This approach strengthens trust and encourages children to express themselves freely.

Celebrate small successes

Finally, recognising small achievements can make a big difference. Whether it’s completing a drawing, learning a new skill, or trying something outside their comfort zone, celebrating progress helps children see their capabilities and reinforces a sense of accomplishment.

Confidence is a skill that develops gradually, and gentle, consistent support lays the foundation for lifelong self-belief. By praising effort, offering choices, modelling calm behaviour, and validating feelings, adults can help children approach challenges with courage, curiosity, and confidence.

This is a collaborative post.