It was only a matter of time. Three quarters of the way through BB’s first year at school and there’s been a birthday party she wasn’t invited to.
It’s not that the whole class had been invited except her – around a third of the class got invites, but she wasn’t one of them – and it just so happened that that third who were invited are friends she plays with the most.
She came out of school sobbing because her friends had been given an invitation and she didn’t get one, big fat tears of injustice rolling down her cheeks and off her chin. I can still hear her gulps now, and I wanted to cry too.
I don’t know when class birthday parties became a thing (I’m sure they weren’t in my day) but after dealing with the fallout I’ve decided class birthday parties have a lot to answer for, and are another thing they don’t tell you about reception year.
It’s not that I disagree with the mum’s decision not to invite the whole class – I think it’s totally up to the parents whether to invite one child or 30 – and let’s face it, birthday parties are expensive business. It’s just the party politics that class birthday parties conjure up.
I did my best to explain to BB that not everyone had been invited, but she just kept repeating, over and over again in a querulous voice, that all her friends had been invited ‘but they didn’t invite me’.
Misery Guts is of the opinion that that’s life, and she’ll get over it, but at four years old I think it’s a bit of a harsh lesson. I’d like to have spared her for a little while longer.
I dreaded collecting her on the Monday after the party in question, but luckily it hasn’t been mentioned since. I’m quite sure she’s still thinking about it though.
A few days later one of BB’s friends bounded out of the classroom waving another birthday party invite, and as I saw BB clock what her friend was holding my heart momentarily sank as I waited to gauge her reaction. But this time she beamed and, puffed up with pride, told me that she had been invited too.
There’s no doubt about it: it’s hard being four years old.
But sometimes it’s harder being the mummy who has to pick up the pieces.
Do think class birthday parties are a good idea? Do you have a child who has been excluded from one? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
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Oh, it is a hard lesson to learn 🙁 But I am surprised that the invites were handed out at school. I always ask parents to hand them out directly, as I don’t want the uninvited to be upset, like your little girl was. Hope she enjoyed the next party 🙂
x Alice
#bestandworst
This is tough the twins start school full time in September so we have this come not looking forward to it brilliant post
Ahh I used to hate this. Megan is having a party this weekend for her birthday and I have invited just a handful of children from nursery but I know that when they start school it becomes much worse and everyone expects an invite!! I found out the other week that a lot of Evas friends had been to a party of another girl in their class but Eva hadn’t been invited and I felt awful for her! But I agree, you cant ask everyone and at a young age they are oblivious, it’s when they get older they find it more upsetting. I’m not looking forward to going through all that again! #coolmumclub
It’s a toughie as every school does it differently. Some insist that you invite the whole class – a lovely idea as everyone is included, but harsh on the pocket! Others let you decide who to invite, but then you get scenes like this as there will always be someone who gets missed out because of numbers… I really don’t have an answer, but you’re right, it’s a harsh lesson to learn at four years old. I hope she’s okay about it now and had a lovely time at the other party 🙂
Oh this is awful and we have been through this a few times. I think that if you aren’t going to invite the class then the dishing out of invites needs to be done with care and consideration. It really is a harsh lesson to learn at such a young age and especially when it is an age where friendships can be fickle. We decided that we wanted to invite the whole class to avoid just this but we couldn’t afford to do it on our own so we had a joint birthday party with another girl and it worked really well. I hope your little one feels better soon. #coolmumclub
oh god we sooo went through this with J and will probably go through it with E too.
I recently wrote a piece about class parties and the expense of them so I do it but… the heartbreak its bloody awful!
I’m dreading this kind of shizzle going down when Tigs starts school next year…guess it’s going to happen but as you say you just want to protect the little poppets!
I say GATECRASH THE PARTY! 🙂
Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub.
Oh no!! This made my heart break, I dread this happening, I think I will be the Mum who invites everyone so noone gets offended but then that’s just me. I hope she’s ok, what a horrible thing to try and get her head around at such a young age. Thanks for linking up #bestandworst
My son starts reception year this September. He has global delay as well as a speech and language delay and learning difficulties but we are going to try him in a main stream school. Sometimes when things like this crop up I do wonder wether the challenges he faces are such a bad thing because he would be totally oblivious to this kind of thing. For now. He is making massive progress so I have faith that he will notice these things eventually but for now he lives in his own little bubble and I guess the one positive to this is that his feelings won’t be hurt when it comes to not being invited to parties. I can’t say the same for me though unfortunately because even if he doesn’t realise, I definately will. Maybe invitations should be handed to the teachers who can descreetly pop them in the child’s reading folder so that they can be opened when they get home?
#bestandworst
I am dreading this. I like the policy if the whole class is invited then invites can go out at school but otherwise they can’t.
Yes that’s a good idea – if the whole class isn’t invited then they’re not given out at school. Great idea!
Oh bless! We only get he odd invite and we’ve never had a whole class party…I try and avoid parties if I can!! #effitfriday
There’s only so long you’ll be able to avoid whole class events!
We haven’t experienced that yet, but I know it will happen at some point and I’ll have to be the one to pick up the pieces. This frightens me a little bit. My son is also 4 and quite sensitive so let’s see how it will be when he starts Reception in September. I feel the same – I wish I could protect him for a bit longer but sometimes this is not possible. 🙁 #effitfriday
Thankfully BB doesn’t seem to have come off worse for wear from the whole experience!
aww bless her! At our school the invites had to be handed out after or before school, I guess to avoid situations like this a little bit… Although, Its normally me though that feels bad… I told the preteen she’s could invite a handful of people to do something for her birthday and she was fine with it and chose the friends she wanted to invite, and it was me saying “oh but what about so and so?” and “aww I don’t want so and so to feel left out” she simply said “yes mum, but you said 5 and thats what Ive chosen” I’ve since extended the number because for some bloody reason I’M the one feeling bad lol #effitfriday
I know, you’ve got to draw a line somewhere!
We haven’t got to that stage yet, but it is awful seeing your child upset. It is just one of those things that we all have to go through at some point, not that that makes it any easier. Parties can be so expensive, but children don’t understand things like that. On the bright side it is a fabulous excuse to have a lovely family day out somewhere lovely. I hope your little one wasn’t too upset about it and enjoyed the party she did get invited to. #effitfriday
She seems to have forgotten all about it now, thank goodness. I guess it’s just one of those things that would have happened at some point anyway…
My child is only 2 months old so I don’t have any experience concerning kid’s parties yet. It does seem unfair that some kids are excluded, especially when at a school party. #effitfriday
Hopefully it will never happen to yours – I suppose it’s character building but I’d rather have avoided it if possible…