Is it possible to babyproof a marriage? I ask because this week I read an article about a mum who schedules a ‘life AGM’ with her other half between Christmas and new year every year. They leave the children with grandparents and go for a scheduled ‘end of year walk’ in which they discuss life, jobs, happiness and contentment in a kind of annual appraisal.
I have to say I like the sound of the idea. Since becoming a mum of two and going back to work life for us has been manic, racing by at the speed of light. What with both of our jobs, the children and their demands and Misery Guts’s ultra-marathon training schedule sometimes it can feel like we go days without having a proper conversation.
It can feel like we lead completely different lives with totally different priorities: me juggling work with factoring time into the school run to buy requested donations for the school Christmas fair and him juggling work with factoring in time to spend with the kids and stick to his running schedule.
Is this the beginning of the end? Is our current lifestyle a recipe for disaster in the long-term, or just what happens when you have kids? Here we are on our wedding day in 2010, completely unprepared for how life would change over the following five years. I’m inclined to think that a relationship either has what it takes to stand the test of time life or it doesn’t, but perhaps it isn’t as black and white as that.
But there’s one thing I do know: it’s the little things that count.
Like the time Misery Guts had already left for work and I stumbled into the bathroom following a broken night with Little B and found ‘I love you’ written on the bathroom mirror in bath letters.
Or the time he booked me in for a mum-to-be massage even though it wasn’t my birthday and Mother’s Day had already been and gone.
And the countless times he gets home from work and sends me for a lie-down even though he’s been on the go all day too.
What do you think – is it really possible to babyproof a marriage?
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Totally agree that it’s the little things that count. You can’t baby-proof a marriage, but if it’s on strong foundations in the first place, the baby years are just another challenge life throws at your marriage. It’s about getting through it together and never having a ‘me and him’ mentality. Not that I’m any expert!! 🙂 We just celebrated our 5 year anniversary (1 baby in the mix), so fingers crossed we keep at it as strong as we have so far.
We celebrated 5 years in 2015 too – that’s a great point about a ‘me and him’ mentality x
Aw. You’re totally right, it’s definitely the little things that count. It’s just finding the time for each have other once the little ones arrive? But a set of fridge magnets can say a thousand words. :0) #bestandworst x
Yes that’s so true!!
I think it is so difficult to babyproof a marriage. It is important to keep talking and communicating. I used to bottle things up before and then suddenly explode in a huge rant which was completely unjustified. We learnt a lot about ourselves since having our little man, and our relationship has taken a turn for the better since he has come along #bestandworst
That’s so good to hear – I’m known for huge rants too!!
It’s tough, that’s for sure. I think the biggest thing is to remember that you are a team, working towards the same goals. Occasional time away certainly helps us also
Shame it can’t be regular time away!!
I think it’s really hard but what you sound like is like us at the moment. Just so so busy. Your hubby sounds really sweet. That massage would be amazing. The little things, date nights and just talking really help. 🙂 Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst and see you soon x
I honestly don’t know where this year has gone! My new years resolution is definitely to make more time for each other x
We have four children and believe you and me, there is no baby proofing this marriage!! We literally congratulate eachother if we manage a simple conversation some days! It’s hard and yet I think if your marriage is solid enough to begin with, it can survive these baby days. #bestandworst
Four kids – congratulations are definitely in order!!x
I don’t know if it’s possible to baby proof a marriage – I think we need to be realistic that it takes a lot of work to keep a relationship going, even if there are no kids. And throwing babies and lack of sleep into the equation can be dangerous ground! I think scheduling time to get together as a couple is really important, and something I need to do more of! Beautiful pictures and very thought provoking post, thanks for sharing on #ThrowbackThursday xx
Lack of sleep is dangerous ground in many a situation – a good nights’ sleep can make so much difference to everything!x
Loved this and thanks for sharing with #throwbackthursday! xx
No problem – I’ll miss sharing something each week!x
My husband and I have been together for almost 13 years, and I think we’ve fought more in the past 6 months since we had our baby then we did in the whole rest of our relationship. It’s tough, plus we don’t have much time where it’s just the 2 of us anymore. This whole parenting thing is hard!
I’d say the same too – it’s tough!x
If you learn how to “baby-proof” a marriage, you should write a book, not a blog!
#throwbackthursday
Very true!!
Sounds like you’ve got a good one there! I think as long as you get a date night here and there and those little things continue, things will be okay. Life does chnage dramatically and you’ll either survive or you won’t but among time and thinking about the other will certainly help. Lovely wedding pic. #KCACOLS
Yes – date nights are a great idea! Can’t remember our last one but with Christmas coming up there’s a chance we’ll get one soon!
This is a really interesting post and something I often wonder about. Love the idea of a life AGM! Hubs and I try to have a date night every couple of months to reconnect. It is really hard work to focus on your marriage enough when you have kids, and something you have to really put effort into. Thanks for sharing x #kcacols
There are only so many things we can focus on at once so I think it’s important not to put too much pressure on ourselves either!x
I honestly don’t think it’s possible to baby proof your marriage. However it is important to try and find time for you and Misery Guts though. I know this is easier said than done sometimes. Aaaàh how sweet was that message! Yes it’s all about those precious unexpected little moments. xx #KCACOLS
It’s so hard finding time isn’t it, but at the same time I’ll probably miss it when the little ones don’t demand so much time!
I don’t think you can, you’ve just got to weather the storm! It is the little things that really make the difference. Usually when I’m just on the brink of murdering my other half he will do something sweet like buy me flowers for no reason, or send me a picture of him and the baby with ‘I love you’ on a card or something when I’m at work. Then the murder gauge just starts building again… 😀 #KCACOLS
You should blog about the murder gauge – that’s hilarious!!
I feel like I should hate the idea of a ‘life AGM’ but I actually quite like it! It’s so difficult to find the time to actually reflect on ‘life’ rather than just living it and getting on with the day to day. You’re right about the little things – they are more important now than ever before – with the absence of dinner dates and weekends away. #KCACOLS xx
I know, my knee jerk reaction was that I OUGHT to hate it but it’s actually a good idea!!
I don’t think you can plan life, things just happen and with that comes changes to relationships. Whether it’s children, a new career etc. It seems your other half does some lovely little things for you. It’s so difficult to find time in the busy world of life for just two of you, but some how it works #KCACOLS
Overall I’d say we’re muddling through!x
Really good question. I think a LOT of parents of small children are in the same “ships passing in the night” boat…I know we are!
I read about a couple who were given annual marriage counselling sessions as a wedding gift, and our church runs an annual marriage course…all similar concepts to the AGM you mention: to take time out to invest in your marriage. It makes sense.It’s just hard to find / make time for it sometimes.
Thanks for linking up with #KCACOLS
I think I’d have been offended if someone gave us counselling sessions as a wedding present!! That said, my church runs marriage courses too…it’s something I’ve never really thought about x
Even though I have never been married (and don’t yet have children), this post really resonated with me. I recently came out of a 7 year relationship with someone I have known for 20 years (we went to school together), so that was as close to marriage as you can get I would say. It didn’t work for a variety of reasons, but ultimately the main reason was lack of communication – but only on one side (his). This saw many years wasted where I tried to single handedly hold us both and our lives together. I overlooked his quiet grumpiness and marched on regardless, trying to get him to communicate until the bitter end. For a marriage to work you both have to be invested in it and need to communicate openly.
Great (and brave) post.
Sounds like you did everything you can and gave it your best shot which is all you can do. Hopefully next time you will find someone who is wants to be together as much as you do x