Obviously thereโs a difference between being a mum and being a dad. Like the small matter of growing a baby and magically producing it nine months later.
But after going out for breakfast at the weekend (the child benefit had hit the joint account โ donโt judge me, I needed to break out) it occurred to me โ when the food arrived and Misery Guts happily tucked in while I strapped Little B into the high chair and cut up BBโs sausage, my own food untouched – that being a mum and being a dad are different in ways Iโd never anticipated.
For example:
1. Mealtimes
When a plate of food is put in front of Misery Guts he will start eating it, regardless of whether the children need help with theirs first. Occasionally he will notice, five minutes in when Iโm clattering cutlery and giving him a pointed look, that I havenโt started mine yet but more often than not heโs completely oblivious. Iโve given up saying anything โ instead I rant in silent fury inside my head.
2. Washing
Forget lying in the bath with a face mask on or having a long hot shower: washing is now all about getting clean in the fastest possible time without the toddler putting the entire loo roll down the toilet or felt penning the hall wall. Misery Guts, on the other hand, somehow still manages to have enough time to read a book in the bath, just like he did before. Passing the slightly open door and catching him turning a page makes me want to scream.
3. Appearance
I used to do my hair and wear make up every day of the week and I had a wardrobe featuring a wide array of different clothes which I would peruse and choose according to my mood. Those clothes now hang untouched in favour of nursing vests and easy-access tops, and I manage to do my hair and wear makeup once, possibly twice a week. Misery Guts hasnโt had to alter his wardrobe at all and takes the same amount of time getting ready as he did before. Infuriatingly, he also looks better: while Iโm counting new grey hairs on a weekly basis heโs not ageing at nearly the same rate. It’s so unfair.
4. Chores
If Iโve been out at work all day, the first thing I do when I get home is assess what needs to be done next. Usually itโs the dinner, then washing, then tidying up, then thinking what needs to be prepped for the next day. When Misery Guts gets home from work he gets a snack from the fridge and sits down on the sofa.
5. Sleep
I feel like a stuck record banging on about sleep โ or lack of it. I know mums are supposed to be hormonally wired to wake up at the slightest cough or sniffle while dads sleep through but GIVE ME STRENGTH. Little B can be standing in his cot, right next to our bed, his face puce with crying, and Misery Guts wonโt stir.
I realise I may be being grossly unfair to other dads out there, especially stay at home ones, and also to households with two mummies and two daddies, where Iโm sure the dynamics are different. But this is how things are in our house. Whatโs it like in yours?
Linking up with…
Haha I love this, and so true! Whenever we are going anywhere my husband will have a shower, style his hair, pamper preen himself infront of the mirror, leisurely choose his outfit and take his time getting ready. In the meantime I will have changed and dressed all of the children, done the girls hair, packed the baby bag, got coats and shoes ready, dealt with last minute nappies and prepared snacks/juice/bribes for the journey. By that time we are always running late and hubby is shouting at me to “hurry up and get ready” which gives me two minutes to wash, drag a brush through my hair and throw on dirty clothes from the washing basket, and he’s sat there tutting when I come down, looking at his watch and moaning that it’s taken me too long to get ready! Honest to god, MEN!!!!!!!! #MarvMondays
Yep – it’s EXACTLY the same in our house! I always get ready last having sorted everyone else out with no time left for myself!
Mr Buttons is pretty good all round, but I can relate to the food one! I will be finishing up cooking, dishing up, sorting our Little Button and tidying as I go…. as I look round and see Mr Button sat with a plate full happily munching and completely oblivious to everything! #MarvMondays
It’s unbelievable isn’t it!!
haha this is so funny Natalie. I can relate with you if I compare it with other men like my father, my brother, male friends, etc but when it comes to my hubby I must admit that he is from another planet!! As he helps me with everything and when I say everything I mean it!! It is just amazing and I know I’m incredibly lucky!! The only thing though is that he visits the toilet a lot (I have lost time how many times) and he stays there for a long time of course busy with his phone) but a part from that he is great!! Love this! ๐ xx #marvmondays
You’re very lucky indeed! Can I borrow him please?!
Hahaha! So funny and yet so true! I think all men are the same, I can totally relate to all of this… I think it’s so true that our husbands are our eldest child, lol #TheBabyFormula
It is just like having another child sometimes!
Haha I feel you on the sleeping thang. : ) My partner was snoring through mid feed last night, I wish he had boobs goddamnit! Maybe one night you should prepare a hot bath for yourself and when hubby walks through the door, tell him he’s in charge of the kids for the next hour and jump in?! You have to reclaim that bath! #thebabyformula
Good plan!
My OH (he’s a sahd) is slowly driving me mad at the moment. I wasn’t in work this morning so I figured I could get on with the housework for a couple of hours, but he decided he needed to go and have a lie down before I went because he wasn’t well… but well enough to go out when I got back. (I’ve had a break at work, apparently.) x #thebabyformula
SO annoying!! You should go on strike!!
Is it bad that reading posts like these make me a bit happy about being a single parent? I can definitely recognise these complaints from some of my friends! #TheBabyFormula
Not bad at all! I’m glad it made you happy!!
Lol, yes I can definitely relate to these. The sleep one especially – I swear my hubby could sleep through an earthquake. I’ve lost count of the number of nights I’ve been awake trying to settle the girls and hubby is snoring away, oblivious to it all! He’s usually quite good at helping out with mealtimes (especially if prompted!) although is rarely home for dinnertime during the week. I honestly think though that he just doesn’t see things like I do – he doesn’t think about all the things that need to happen before we leave the house unless I point them out. He has got better at helping out with chores in the evening unprompted though which makes a huge difference! But yes, you’re definitely not alone in this! I have to admit, I have been known to hand the children to the hubby when he walks out the door and take myself off for a little walk just to have a breather sometimes! #TwinklyTuesday
It’s crazy isn’t it? I’m determined to raise Little B to be different!!
Made me giggle. I found myself nodding to one or two ๐ #abitofeverything
I BET it was the mealtimes one!
I was in the middle of writing a similar post about parents and their different duties. It is so true. My husband is really good, although he wants me to ask for help when I need it, then when I do he says I am nagging him….the joys of parenthood between husband and wife. #twinklytuesday
Urgh – so annoying!!
Threaten misery guts with strike action in ALL departments lol. He’ll soon buck up when he’s had to wash his own skiddy undies! All the best. ๐ #abitofeverything
To be honest I think it would take WEEKS for him to notice!
I completely agree and was just having this conversation with a friend recently. Is it because we have to grow the baby that for some reason our life magically changes beyond recognition? Where as their’s doesn’t seem to change too much at all! My husband still prances and preens about in the bathroom as if he has all the time in the world. He also manages to still find time to watch the football on TV and play golf at the weekend!! Grrhhh! #TwinklyTuesday
Get it off your chest!
Haha, you sound mad!! I totally relate to this though, my husband works in the week so most of the housework is my job but he doesn’t even do any on the weekends. I feel like I am constantly washing clothes, hoovering and doing the dishes. He has long leisurely showers while I have to try and quickly wash while holding the shower door shut so my toddler can’t climb it/let all the cold air in. My wardrobe/hair/make up routine has also massively suffered since becoming a Mum!xx #abitofeverything
Yep. Whatโs going on? We need to revolt!
Haha this is all true. May I suggest strike action, it worked for me. It took about a week for him to realise I was on strike but eventually it dawned on him and he is now much better! ๐ #twinkletuesday
Good for you!
I don’t know if we are just the opposite of reality, but I’m the one that gets the sleep and gets to eat a hot meal. I’m a SAHM so of course I do all the chores, that’s kind of the deal that we struck. I think the only thing I really agree on is time spent in the bathroom, he likes to ‘poo’ for half an hour – which really means he sits on the toilet playing a game. Though I always take forever to shower if he is home and now spend an hour in the morning while Oliver is at nursery having a shower/moisturising and what not. But I think a SAHD would catch a shorter straw than me! #abitofeverything
You are very lucky and in the minority I think!!
The meal thing is sooooo true. I’m always last to eat. However, hubby is really good and always gets up and I stay in bed. Chores are split so I think I can’t moan too much!! Eek x #twinklytuesday
I wish our chores were split…
Yeah my OH can sleep through anything. He has the boy alond two days a week and sometimes I worry he’ll be left til lunchtime #MarvMondays
I wonder what would happen..!
Yes yes yes! So glad I’m not alone. #twinklytuesday xx
Nope, definitely not!!
Oh goodness. I want to say “poor you, I honestly couldn’t/wouldn’t tolerate that” but that just sounds patronising and isn’t helpful. I’m not going to answer your question about what it’s like in our house because you’ll hate me. So I’ll just say every couple/relationship has its own dynamic! #abitofeverything
Oh no – and I didnโt think I had it THAT bad..! I do get a lie in on a Saturday morning…
Yes definitely different isn’t it. Its hard to even notice these things most of the times but I think a lot has to do with being the primary ‘at home’ parent. I’m much more on the ball about what needs doing in the house and with the kids. Fab post.
I like to think if I wasn’t around Misery Guts would be different – but I’m not so sure!!
I will never cease to be amazed at the level of sound that my husband can sleep through. Even if there is a baby in bed with us, screaming right in his ear, he will slumber on. I hate to admit it, but sometimes pokes are administered. Sometimes this works, but he’s usually back to sleep after a few seconds! Great post ๐ #abitofeverything
Of I poke Misery Guts helpfully just snores even louder!!
Oh wow I sound like your OH! Although am more attentive at meal times etc, I still manage to squeeze in my long bath! I am def with you on the chores though- I want to get everything out of the way so that I can truly relax! #abotifeverything
You’re very lucky!!
Silent fury has left the building over here. Now I just get super-angry (think calm, even voiced speaking with flared nostrils) instead. Your list is my life!! #abitofeverything
Maybe I should get angry too! You should hear the conversations I have in my head…
Oh yes!!!! I recognise this scene!!! My hubby thinks that as I finish work to collect the kids from school, I am lucky to have a couple of hours to myself every day when we get home. Forgetting these hours are dealing with kids, tidying, washing cleaning, breaking up fights, dealing with the naughty step……. ha ha. As for the sleep thing, I recently got a Fitbit and even scared myself with how little sleep I actually get. I now have proof that I am, indeed, exhausted. Not that it has made any difference lol! #abitofeverything xxxx
I literally don’t stop between the school run and Misery Guts getting home. When he comes in and sits down it makes me want to SCREAM!!
My OH often lets me eat first and even let me have a bath yesterday! But he always sleeps through nighttime tears (I do elbow him sometimes haha!) #coolmumclub
To be fair to Misery Guts at home I do often eat first before handing the baby over…
On some points here I think I’m probably quite lucky…but…BUT (Getting angry inside now)…
…The hubby insists on having a shower before work, okay fair enough, while I sling on some scruffy ensemble, having to be content with last nights bath for hygiene. I’ll forgive him that, but when he walks in the door and insists on a ‘getting home shower’ (dad 2: Mum 0) I have to do the stroppy banging around thing. Thats just not fair!!
Great post…thanks for sharing with #coolmumclub
Yes that would get my goat too – you’re quite right!!
Nope, don’t recognise this at all. I am, of course, a stay at home dad. Domestically the wheels would fall off if I wasn’t around. I won’t tell you it’s perfect, but my wife and I tend to work more as a partnership. When gender roles are swapped, I think that’s more likely to happen because it forces you to think and break out of patterns of behaviour you may always have followed or thought you would follow. If I may be forgiven for asking, why the term Misery Guts? It, er, doesn’t really send out a positive vibe?? #coolmumclub
Good for you! Misery Guts is called Misery Guts because he’s the most miserable person I’ve ever met!! Mostly this is an endearing term – but sometimes not!!
This was an interesting post to read, there is a big age gap between my sister and I and I remember my dad taking a back seat on most things until my mum told him he needed to look after my sister so she could go and get ready, or eat My dad can literally sleep through anything, my mum and I would wake up and go and check on my sister before my dad even stirred… I dread my partner sleeping through the chaos of a baby, he can literally sleep through anything! I’m more than happy to shout and is it to wake him up though! ๐ xxx #Abitofeverything
It’s funny the things we remember!
Haha! I am sure this really will strike a chord with most. I am very lucky that I can’t fault my husband at ALL. He shares everything. He does all the cooking. He does laundry. He is naturally more neat than me so it is much more likely to be him tidying anf assessing all the jobs etc. He is just as hands on with the kids and does as many night wake ups as I do. Thinking on it, I should probably go buy him a nice Valentine’s gift! #effitfriday
Can he come round to my house please??!!
I can’t really comment from my own child raising days as my ex doesnt fit the criteria of a normal human being (miow…but true). However when I look at both my brothers and their interactions with their kids, I think mybsister in laws picked well. Both are extreamly hands on dads and share the chores both household and childcare wise (in both situations both mothers work part time). This is a reflection of my dads parenting, he was quite hands on too, less so than my brothers simply because mum was a stay at hime mum, but at weekends and stuff dad did as much with us as mum did.
Thanks for sharing with us, Tracey xx #abitofeverything
It’s interesting isn’t it – I think a lot of behaviour is learnt from your own parents and what you experienced when growing up. Which explains a lot in Misery Guts’s case!!
I think the comparison is fair as before separation I was that kind of dad. But since doing it by myself id say that this all relates to me. So probably retrospective to the “main” parent. Saying that I miss the days where I could read a book in the bath ๐ #abitofeverything
That’s a very honest admission! I guess a lot falls to the ‘primary’ parent – ie the one who is there most of the time…
I completely understand your need to vent. There is definitely a double standard when it comes to mom and dads. However, I have to give my hubby a lot of credit. Since our second child, we are pretty equal when it comes to story times and feeding the kids. Our lives are just so busy, there is no way he could laze around and get away with it! I hope your hubby sees this and steps up his game for you ๐ #Justanotherlinky
Tori
http://www.themamanurse.com
The funny thing is I’d say we were pretty equal too, but maybe not!!
Its so true! There is definitely such a difference between the balance for mums and dads, at least it is in our house too. I have to say, I probably dont have it quite as bad. But there were definitely points were I was shaking my head and laughing because I have thought the same thing at one point or another. The food thing, totally true! As is the amount of time the Mr seems to have to get ready by himself, whereas I always feel like im in a bit of a self imposed marathon! So at least youre not alone ๐ Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays
Judging by all the comments I’m not alone!
Hahahaha or should that be sob sob sob, you’ve hit the nail on the head! Hubby hardly ever wakes with H’s crying, even with the monitor right at his head amplifying her! Actually if he does stir, he jumps out of bed and goes through to her, when I’ve already been up umpteen times and this isn’t really a real crying fit, it’s a ‘ah i turned over’ shout that she’d be ok with.
thanks for sharing, and hope you can this week too #TheBabyFormula
It makes me so mad!!
Haha! This is so true! xx
I know!
Haha it’s like this in our house too. I have it programmed in me to see to the children first whereas he still makes sure his basic needs are met ๐ though to be fair to him he is getting much much better now we have two of them!
He’s learning then!!
Popping back from #justanotherlinky. Thanks for linking up xx
No problem!