โBut who am I going to do everything with?โ Those were the (heart wrenching) words of my seven-year-old when I revealed that her best friend is moving away.
Her first best friend. The best friend she met on her first day of reception and has been joined at the hip with ever since. The best friend she goes to Brownies with and writes notes to at bed time.
I winced inwardly when I first heard the news because I know what it means. I know whatโs itโs like to move away and I know what itโs like to be the one left behind too, owing to the fact Iโm a forces child and moved every two years โ give or take โ throughout my childhood.
Itโs not something I wanted for my own children, and I vowed never to move while theyโre at school so they can have friends theyโve known since they canโt remember. Which in this case is the biggest irony of all.
Of course, you canโt control what other people do and what happens in life, which, perhaps, is a lesson for me and as well as my seven-year-old. And things are a lot different than they were when I was little. Thereโs the internet for a start, and mobile phones, and the world is a lot smaller than it was then. Indeed, Iโm still in touch with my best friend from when I was seven, and we didnโt have any of those things then.
Iโve tried to do everything I can to help make the change as easy as possible, so for anyone else facing the same thing hereโs what I did.
10 ways to help when your childโs best friend moves away
1. Donโt just blurt it out. Sit them down away from distractions and other siblings and explain whatโs going to happen and why.
2. Donโt expect an immediate reaction. It will take a while for the news and its ramifications to sink in.
3. Theyโll talk about it when theyโre ready. After asking questions and getting zero response I quickly realised sheโd ask questions in her own time, when she was ready.
4. The news will manifest itself in ways you might not expect. It was only after the oldest threw herself on the bathroom floor uncharacteristically wailing and crying about her brother having got her slime that I realised it wasnโt about the slime at all.
5. Show them Google Street View. Having a look at where her best friend is moving to and knowing how far it is from our house helped the oldest to visualise and picture where her best friend will be when sheโs not here.
6. Take photos – and buy a frame to put them in. Both the oldest and her best friend are now the owners of โbest friendsโ photo frames to keep in their rooms and remember each other by.
7. Invest in โspecialโ writing paper. We made a big thing of going to buy stationery so the two of them can keep in touch, and the oldest loves the fact sheโs now got a book of stamps to keep in her purse too.
8. Help them choose a leaving present. Like the writing paper, our oldest really bought into the idea of giving her best friend something to remember her by and loved going shopping to find the perfect gift.
9. Encourage play dates with other children. Itโs not just my child who will be affected by her best friend leaving โ their other friends will too. Organising play dates between them will help fill the hole.
10. Plan a meet up. I know it wonโt be long before our oldest gets to see her best friend again because she has friends and family nearby, and while their everyday life might be changing it doesnโt mean they canโt create new memories and traditions.
Do you have a child whose best friend has moved away? Or perhaps youโre the one who did the moving? Either way Iโd love to know how you dealt with it!
My daughter’s friend moved away when they were 10. They had know each other since they were 4. They are still in touch now over 2 years later and she comes to stay when they are visiting family up here (they moved a 4 hour drive away). We did a lot of the things you mentioned but they both really treasure the gifts they gave each other before she left.
Great advice … such a big event in a child’s life, and needs to be handled properly. #ABloggingGoodTime
Fab advise, it is tough when a friend moves away X #ablogginggoodtime
My daughter’s best friend moved away for a year and my daughter was so excited when she came back. But after six months they moved to the US. The contact and the friendship is still strong but it was heartbreaking to go through the process twice. I love the idea of buying special writing paper so that they can write to each other :o)
#MMBC
These are great tips, must be so hard for them to understand at that age! #ablogginggoodtime
Very useful advice – I still remember the best friend who moved away when I was six – it was a very intense friendship and I was distraught. My daughter hasn’t experienced this but I know others who have and manage to keep a global friendship going with skype etc one of the positive ways in which tech has changed the world. I guess!
This feels so sad! I hope she’s okay. Some great tips. My little one’s friend has just moved away and because he’s only 3.5 he’s not really understanding it and keeps asking if she’s going to be at playdates. I can only imagine how hard it is when they’re older and really understand. Thanks for linking up to #ItsOK