I’ve come to the conclusion that there should, in fact, be a 10th month of pregnancy. I’m not going barmy – I do realise that nine months is quite enough thank you very much – but what I mean is that the pregnancy ‘journey’ should take into account nine months ‘inside’ and one month ‘out’.
I reached this conclusion after seeing Bepanthen’s latest campaign for new mums, in which they’re highlighting the fact that as soon as a woman gives birth attention is refocused from the mother to the newborn baby, yet the first month after birth – the 10th month – is when mums actually need more support than ever.
I think they’ve made a really valid point. Those first few weeks of motherhood are such a rollercoaster of emotions, from the first few hours when the reality of what’s just happened is settling in to the first few weeks when you’re getting to grips with your new role.
After BB was born I vividly recall lying on the bed feeling terrified as the midwife got ready to put her needlework skills to use – I’d never had stitches before, let alone down there – but I couldn’t, or didn’t, convey this to Misery Guts because he was holding BB on the other side of the room and was totally absorbed in looking after her. So I didn’t say anything and just let her get on with it, when I could really have done with some reassurance and a hand to hold.
A few weeks of sleepless nights and grappling with car seat buckles and pram frames later I remember seeing an advert on TV for baby formula with a voiceover that said ‘Mums, you’re doing great’ and it brought a tear to my eye because I really needed to hear that.
So in order to shine the light back on new mums Bepanthen has created a film with a Bafta nominated documentary maker offering a glimpse into the lives of new mums as they’re adjusting to their roles. During the film each mum is asked ‘and how do you feel?’ and every single one of them looks startled, as if they didn’t hear the question correctly and can’t quite believe they’re being asked about themselves, not their baby.
I know they’ve got a brand to promote and cream to sell, but it’s a really moving film and I like the sentiment. Well done Bepanthen!
How did you feel in the first few weeks of parenthood? Do you think the concept of a 10th month of pregnancy is a good idea?
Linking up with…
My baby girl was 2 weeks late so I was pregnant for most of that 10th month. But I totally agree with you, mums need that extra bit of care for another month. Xx
This is great. I just watched the video and started feeling broody and then felt really really sad. It’s a very powerful message that should be heard. #bestandworst
I totally agree, 10th month pregnancy of fourth trimester….whichever it is we definitely officially need one! Thanks for linking this up to #coolmumclub lovely x
I thought this post was going to be about how plenty of babies stay in the womb for 10 months anyway (or was that just mine? Or did it just feel like 10 months? Actually it felt more like a year). But you are right, once the baby is here, all attention is focused on them. I had an emergency C-section and I was like, hang on a minute, I’ve just had major surgery here. If this was any other operation, I’d be allowed to recover! #coolmumclub
The first few weeks really are tough and there really is more reassurance needed #bestandworst xx
I love this, such a lovely video. Probably shouldnt have watched it whilst pregnant, it brought a little tear to my eye. Well done Bepanthen for making such a thoughtful video 🙂 Emily #coolmumclub
It would be great actually to have a bit of recovery time. I tried to see the positive in Marianna being on NICU that I had a few weeks to get over the c-section. I wouldn’t have been able to do anything for her if she’d been allowed to come home straightaway. x #KCACOLS
I think this is a great idea. I found the first month of motherhood a huge life changer – I didn’t know if I was doing things right and was very tearful. I remember my husband telling me I was doing a great job and I cried like a….er…baby #KCACOLS
You’ve got a great point. During those early days whenever anyone asked about me I welled up. It is such a hard time. Newborn babies are so needy (damn them huh?!) that mum doesn’t have time to think of herself. It’s exhausting mentally and physically. #KCACOLS
This video brought a tear to my eye.
I completely agree! The first few weeks is definitely a new experience for both the baby and you, whether it’s your third child or first.
Laura xx
Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday!
Yep, totally agree. Is it just me or 40 weeks = 10 months anyway!? So maybe what I want is an eleventh month of pregnancy!
x Alice
#kcacols
Like you say, a moving video with a very valid point. It would be great if there was more support for mums who are ‘coping’ in that first month. #KCACOLS
its a bloody good idea! I felt awful in the 10th month haha. sore, tired, had no idea what I was doing lol! a blubbering mess 🙂 #KCACOLS
I love this. That first month is so tough, even if you’ve done it before and kind of know what to expect, it still hits hard. Good on you for raising more awareness around this issue, it’s so important.
#KCACOLS
The video actually made me really emotional. I felt like my first few months were terribly rough. I have a lot of women in my family who have recently had children too. So I was fortunate to have them looking out for me and they knew what I was going through. I still felt so isolated. I felt that everything was about my baby and that I wanted it that way too but I didn’t want to feel alone. I wanted company and I wanted them to be there when I was breaking down. I think these are the moments that I selfishly wanted. I also think we all want to not feel so overwhelmed by this tiny little gift and the fact that we feel emotions that we think we shouldn’t. It’s hard to get over the fact that bit won’t go away.
I think all mothers need to be given a bit of support whenever they need it even if its at a 3AM feeding with a 10 month old. Being a mother is just very hard.
Getting a bit too emotional here think I should stop! Job well done on this post I think haha!
#KCACOLS
YES! So true – western culture seems to expect women to just get back up and get on with it, but you really need a bit of support. Can you tell I’ve just had a baby…
I think the 4th trimester should be recognised for mums and babes! #KCACOLS
For sure. So many cultures give so much support to new mums and time to recover/rest. I remember thinking I should be out and about on day two…I could hardly walk it was a daft idea!! #KCACOLS
Oh what a good idea!! After the baby arrives the first month is such a whirlwind isn’t it. Thanks for linking up #bestandworst
My son is 2 next month and I don’t think I’ve still thought how I am! Great video #kcacols
I love where the mom said that the baby gives birth to a new you.
It is so true. When you have a baby, your whole outlook changes-your world turns upside down. It really is something that takes some getting used to.
In the western world, women are expected to pop a baby out, and be at work the next day. (Not really, but you know what I mean, haha). Bringing new life into the world is tough. And, a little love can go a long way.
#coolmumclub
What a lovely video. I completely agree, people seem to think you’re ready to get back at it straight away. Looking back, particularly with my first, which was very difficult, it would have been nice to shut myself away with some extra tlc. I know some countries don’t let new mums do anything other than rest and feed their babies for the first few months – sounds perfect to me! x
Technically I was pregnant for 10 months as I went over my due date with all four of mine! Ha! I do get what you’re saying though. There’s quite a lot written about ‘the fourth trimester’ these days and it makes a lot of sense. You should look it up I think you’d find it interesting!
A beautiful video! I agree that first month is when mum needs the most support, regardless of how many children they’ve had. x #TwinklyTuesday
Bring on that 10th month, what a lifeline it would be #TwinklyTuesday
I never made it to 8 months pregnant, but that first month I remember feeling totally overwhelmed and thinking I was just a kid (24) and had no place looking after a premmie! I would of loved extra support for the month after #kcaols
A great post. Very thought-provoking and a moving video. I think you make such an important point. Thank you for highlighting. Definitely more support needed in that 10th month. I was lucky that I had a very intuitive mother-in-law and Mum who did ask constantly how I was (and were aware of previous mental health issues) but not everyone has this. And I don’t think the professionals ask this enough (mainly because they are overstrected I think). It is so important. #TwinklyTuesday
Wow, that video IS a tearjerker. The first six months with both of mine were pretty much hell on earth for different reasons but I have often heard of the ‘fourth trimester’ (i.e. the three months following birth) being the hardest time because actually, a baby is very much like it is in the womb still. I do think the early weeks/months are incredibly, overwhelmingly tough for most of us and more support is needed. Lovely and thought-provoking post. #twinklytuesday
I was so overwhelmed after i had my babies, After Aspen was born we went home both on no sleep, as hubby had stayed every night at the hospital. Aspen screamed non stop, we later found out it was because I wasn’t producing enough milk, despite the fact that Aspen fed beautifully, she attached and sucked well, but my body just couldn’t produce enough for her needs. I was readmitted to a mother/baby unit ward in the hospital where I had given birth and they helped me try everything to produce more milk. I had to end up topping her up with expressed milk and some formula (which broke my heart), but that extra month of support made the world of difference for Aspen and Steve and I, so I totally agree with what you are saying here! Great post! #TwinklyTuesday linked after you xx
That first month is like a whirlwind, you don’t really know what’s going on, there is so much to learn and everything is focused on baby. It’s important to remember what we mums have just been through. I’ll definitely be remembering this when number two pops out!
Wow, that’s left me really emotional. That first month with your first child is just a big pile of contradictions, you’re exhilarated but exhausted, you’re so happy but then feel sad for no good reason, it’s just a real mix of everything and we could all do with that reminder to be gentle to ourselves when we’re going through it, and to take care of other new mums a bit more too. x #KCACOLS
40 Weeks x 7 days = 280 days of pregnancy, 280 / 28 days (28 days is supposed to be a month!) = 10 months. Therefore a pregnancy is 10 months, especially if you go over. Even when you add in the 29th, 30th and 31st you have in months you still have, in terms of actual time, 10 months! So really, the one month out is 11 months. On another note if you add in all those extra days we actually have 13 months a year…265 / 28 = 13…
Why my comment has turned into a formula I don’t know but there’s a little bit of info for you! I don’t remember the first month of my daughters life, I think I just cried and breastfed. #kcacols
Popping back from #justanotherlinky. Thanks for linking up xx