I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in almost a year and a half. At 16 months old Little B still wakes up three to four times a night – roughly every two hours – for a feed, and to make matters worse he often won’t settle back down in his cot so ends up in our bed.
This results in Misery Guts occupying one side of the bed, Little B in the middle with his arms splayed out and me forced into a position in no way conducive to restful sleep on the sliver of bed that’s left.
I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve had a proper night’s sleep since he was born – I can even tell you the dates because they’re the times – when almost at the end of my rope – we’ve left him with grandparents and fled as fast as we possibly can to the nearest hotel.
Of course Misery Guts is tired too. He often gets up at 5am and works from home to catch up on his workload before going into the office, he’s training for a marathon and with two kids under five there’s no down time at the weekends to recover from the working week like there used to be.
Yet there’s always a little voice in my head that says ‘you can’t possibly be as tired as me’. I’ve seen competitive tiredness referred to as a ‘trap’ that parents fall in to, but if you ask me competitive tiredness is unavoidable.
In fact, I’d go as far as to say it’s impossible not to play the game of competitive tiredness when your other half, who you know slept well and soundly because you were right next to them feeding the baby in the small hours, wakes up in the morning and declares they’re ‘sooo tired’ because they had a ‘bad’ night’s sleep.
Just like it’s impossible not to wade in with your own levels of exhaustion when one of your mum and baby group shares with everyone what an awful few days it’s been, and how they’ve never been more tired. Within minutes it’s become a competition.
And when I’m reading a blog post centred around lack of sleep I find it impossible not to comment with details of my latest Lost Sleep of Motherhood woe.
Even BB, aged four, plays the game. The other day I asked her to help me tidy up the toys before tea time and she told me she couldn’t because she was too tired from watching CBeebies. A few minutes later I suddenly realised we’d become embroiled in a conversation about why she was more tired than I was.
You’d think you’d be too tired to argue about how tired you all are and go into all the ins and outs of why you’re so shattered, but the fact is I can’t resist talking about it. It’s like a red rag to a bull.
Am I alone in banging on about it, both in imaginary conversations in my head and out loud? Or is competitive tiredness something that can be avoided after all?
Linking up with…
I also find I do this about eating meals. When my husband works late: I can’t possibly cook something and feed the baby. Beans on toast for tea again. You’re hungry? Diddums.
Basically you have to eat everything one handed and cut it up first! Sooo annoying!
Competitive tiredness brings the worst out in me, especially when it involves my husband saying he has a bad night but he was in such a deep slumber that he missed youngest, calling out twenty billion trillion times! Haha 🙂 #bestandworst
Tell me about it! It takes Misery Guts a good 10 minutes to ‘come round’ by which time Little B is puce with screaming…
I can’t tell you hoe many times my husband and I argues about who was the most tired. Proper blazing rows not just competitive jesting. But I had every right to argue my case seeing as he never ever got up to the kids in the night and my son used to wake every twenty minutes some nights. I felt like I never slept while my husband would be snoring beside me and then he’d get up in the morning and moan about how tired he was. I can laugh about it now (almost) but at the time I could have happily killed him.
#bestandworst
I could cheerfully throttle Misery Guts too – luckily I can (almost always) see the funny side but like you say, sometimes I’m so cross it’s just not funny at all…
Haha this is me!! Me and my husband ALWAYS argue over who is the most tired, every single day! Plus I struggle to hold it in when friends with one child moan about being tired and I sit there thinking, try having FOUR!! And even the ones with four children, in my head I’m going, but have you got three under three?? No? Then I win!! HAHA!! #bestandworst
You definitely do win – there’s no way I could handle four! Competitive tiredness is simply too irresistible isn’t it!!
I argue all the time about who is more tired and who is more deserving of the lie in! It’s not a good thing but I think I just want someone to say to me, there there, it’s OK.
I want someone to say ‘there there, it’s ok’ too – and possibly mop my brow and make me a cup of tea..!
I can definitely relate to this post. Hubby and I have a debate all the time about who is more tired. I do tend to win as I am the one that is always up early, but it is the fact that it ends up being a competition….I totally understand #bestandworst
It’s the unfairness of it all that gets me – why is it always us up early?
This made me laugh, even though I don’t think it was supposed to…. : P My partner and I talk about tiredness almost everyday haha! My little one is 3 months old today so it’s to be expected we aren’t getting much sleep, well I’M not getting much sleep, because like you said, I wake up and feed Bear while I watch my partner sleep soundly next to us. I too bring Bear into bed with us because he struggles to fall asleep in the cot….I swear I’m not trying to compete! ha ha ha! Anyway, I totally compete with my partner everyday about who is tired, but recently I think he has given up and now he just says..”I’m tired, but I know you are more tired…” ; ) #bestandworst
That’s very diplomatic of your partner! I will pass this on to Misery Guts and suggest this is his response in future!
Hubby and I have fallen into that trap recently and like you realise it doesn’t go anyway, apart from a bickering session or a mass competition. When you are sooo tired though, you want the world to know!! Bless you lovely, I hope it gets easier. Thanks for linking with #bestandworst x
Being tired also brings out the worst in me which doesn’t help either!
I am guilty of this – I like to present my fitbit output to him to prove it as well!
#coolmumclub
That is a JOLLY good idea. Thanks for that!!
OMG we definitely have competive tiredness in my house. My children are 9 & 5 now and it’s still a I’m so tired conversation. My son has been poorly this week & I’d forgot the exhaustion on waking 3 or 4 times night. #coolmumclub lifeinthemumslane
Don’t tell me this – you mean it’s not going to get any better the older they get? Arghhhhh..!
Sounds like you’re having such a tough time. There is an assumption I think that by about a year babies will consistently sleep through too so people don’t always believe when you stress how tired you ALWAYS are. I’m lucky at the moment as my 13 mo typically sleeps through about 3 – 4 nights of the week then only needs brief attention on the others. But even one wake up can make me weary and all my friends will declare their child sleeps through consistently so I often keep quiet about how things are in our house. When they complain about a bad few nights, I just have to grit my teeth.
The marital bickering is definitely the same. My husband is adamant he wakes up too, but I know for certain he doesn’t when I can walk in to the bed, have a drink, check the clock etc and there is no movement! I try to just breathe and let it go more and more but every now and then I get annoyed at being the one taking the high road and snap 😀
Hope things start to get better! #bestandworst
The trouble is I often snap! Poor Misery Guts – he really can’t win..!
Competitive tiredness is definitely a thing … But as Rev T has health problems that sometimes keep him awake, he usually wins as me having to get up earlier than him isn’t really the same! We all need cups and medals for keeping going
Yes! There should be first, second and third place and we can all compete for that!!
I think competetive is parentings middle name! In so many ways…tiredness, worst eater, worst behaved, best behaved…we could go on….and on.
I’m really REALLY trying to stop myself telling you my 16 month old is also a terrible sleeper…but I won’t 😉 honest 😉
Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub
You’re so right – I feel another blog post coming on!!
Definitely not alone in this one – I’ve certainly been guilty of competitive tiredness with my hubby on occasion – trouble is, it’s a competition where there are no winners really – just tired, grumpy people! Amazing how you can still find the energy to argue about how tired you are though! #coolmumclub
I know, it’s funny how we still have the energy to argue about it even though we know no-one can possibly win!
Yep! Little man sleeps through unless he’s teething or ill but mine is mainly because my husband does shift work so running baby around is mainly left down to me during the week and then some weekends it’s just the two of us. I can’t imagine what it’s like with four (Mr H wants four little one!) what I love the most though is that how is it husbands can sleep straight through when little ones wake up in the middle of the night, do you not hear the screaming? This is when he gets a sharp shove and told it’s his turn … and I don’t feel bad about waking him either! x #coolmumclub
I never feel bad about shoving Misery Guts either – which turns to a kick if he doesn’t respond quick enough!
Oh I feel your pain! We do the same, and I know if anyone mentions sleep, or lack of I’m struggling not to join in. It’s so hard to resist. We’ve been lucky lately, but every time I say that little monster decides to wake every 2 hours again, like yours. I don’t know how you’ve done 2 hour wake ups this whole time! Well done mrs!! Hope you get respite soon!! #coolmumclub
It’s the game no-one can resist playing isn’t it! I’m sure it’s the sleep deprivation that drives us to it!!
I can totally relate to this! Toby is 20 months old and is still up on average twice a night, plus I’m 8 months pregnant with bad spd so whenever my hubby mentions tiredness I feel like punching him haha xx #BestAndWorst
I’d feel like punching him too! I can do it for you if you like…
Yes! We’ve banned the word ‘tired’ from our vocabulary, it was getting ridiculous how much we argued over who was more ‘shattered’ ‘exhausted’ etc…. Hope you get a good night soon…. #bestandworst X
That sounds like a sensible rule! I’m hoping to get a break over Easter – hope you do too!
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I think once you have kids, there’s basically a permanent reason (or reasons!) to argue! If it’s not tiredness, it’s division of labour or money! Sometimes it takes a big humdinger of a row to clear the air, understand each other’s point of view, and remember that you’re supposed to be on the same side… That or a large glass of wine!
#coolmumclub
This article hit home for me! I definitely have competitive tiredness !! What an eye opener and great topic!
Thank you!
#coolmumclub .. Whoops forgot to add that! 😉
Hubby had 3 nights away last week.. ( hotel alone, no small people! My idea of bliss) I had 3 bad nights with 2 small people. Saturday morning does he bounce out of bed to allow me a lie in !!! ( delusional I know as I have never had one EVER! ) Nope the got complains he’s shattered!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
That’s SO infuriating! I can imagine the rant going on in your head!!
The comments appear to all be from mothers I think I as a father need to comment too.
Competitive tiredness is definitely going strong in our house with a BLG 9 months and another aged 6.
I work full time and my wife is currently maternity leave whilst also working in her own business in the evenings.
I must admit I get up most mornings and after my wife has had her say about how tired she is I put my twopence worth in also sometimes when I get in from work.
Part of it for me is when I say have a nap, go to bed early the answer is I can’t I’m too busy even when both my BLGs are in bed.
The little backbiting/rows will not stop soon I know that but at least take a break when I I offer the chance.
I would like to say I have the most beautiful and caring woman in my life who has given me two beautiful miracles. She is an amazing mother which I tell her as much as I can when I’m not tired.
I will put up with the tiredness compa because I love you more than I may sometimes say or show.
To all the mothers reading this thank you from all the partners you do a sterling job and although we sometimes don’t show it you are ‘All amazing and beautiful women’
Thank you!!
Wow what an amazing comment – I hope your wife reads this! Thanks so much for commenting on behalf of dads as I think most of the comments have been from mums. It’s really interesting to hear your side of the argument – please come back again!
Definitely had this go on in our house. I think though in the end we realised we both were exhausted and just felt sorry for each other as much as ourselves. I always say, “I hope you get a better night tonight.” and then we both feel better, even if it’s no feeling less tired!
[…] Competitive tiredness is unavoidable. Whether it’s with your other half, your best friend or other mums and dads at […]