Weird things I can't do since having a babyObviously there are going to be things you can’t do after having a baby that you could do before.

Like going bra-less, drinking past midnight without dire ramifications and spending Sunday mornings in bed nursing a hangover and reading the newspapers while sipping (hot) tea. (I’m not bitter, honest).

But as well as the obvious bodily and lifestyle changes, I’ve discovered that there are also some weird things I can’t do since having a baby.

In no particular order:

1. Go into Costa Coffee. When I was expecting Little B, BB wasn’t at school yet and my mother-in-law used to come and look after her for two days a week so I could work. I used to leave them at home and decamp to coffee shops with my laptop, usually Costa because the Wi-Fi is reliable. I had morning sickness pretty much throughout the whole pregnancy, and since Little B was born in October 2014 I can’t go near the place because of the smell. Just walking past the door and catching a waft of their particular type of coffee bean is enough to send waves of nausea sweeping through me.

2. Eat chicken soup. When I was pregnant the second time round I ate gallons of chicken soup. It was the only thing I fancied, and it had to be Tesco’s own label fresh soup. I was so worried about them selling out and not being able to get any that I’d bulk buy three or four at a time. A bit like Costa Coffee, I can no longer stand even the smell of it.

3. Look at knitted toys without thinking about a knitted boob. Anyone who has done an NCT course will know what I’m talking about: the knitted boob they bring out to show you how a baby should be latching on, probably knitted by a well-meaning member of the WI. Almost five years after having BB the Knitted Boob is still talked about amongst my NCT group – especially the dads.

4. Listen to Ken Bruce’s Pop Master on Radio 2 without remembering BB’s birth. She was born at 10.58am, at the end of the first round of the quiz, which was playing in the back ground. The midwife and Misery Guts were debating answers to the questions while I was pushing, and I wanted to scream ‘hello, I’m having a baby here’. But couldn’t.

5. Look at the fishing net they keep at the side of swimming pools in quite the same way. Little B was born in a birthing pool, and they have a smaller version of a swimming pool fishing net on hand to catch any you-know-whats. And yes it did have to be used. Which wasn’t my finest moment.

How about you? Is there anything odd you can’t do since having a baby or becoming a parent?

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