It’s the starring role in the school nativity play, the one all the girls – and apparently a lot of their parents – want, but only the select few ever get to play.
I’m talking about Mary, mother of Jesus and husband of Joseph and arguably one of the most important parts in the history of school plays. The part BB managed to bag in her school nativity this year.
The thing is, I’m not sure I’m cut out to be Mary’s mum.
Why I’m not cut out to be Mary’s mum
Apparently ‘Why-Isn’t-My-Child-Mary-Syndrome’ is an actual thing over on Mumsnet (I should add it to my post on 10 types of school play parent), and according to a piece Mumsnet’s founder Justine Roberts wrote in The Telegraph I should ‘be prepared for possible comeback from parents who have lost the nativity play plot’.
She recounts the story of a Mary’s mum who was confronted by a mum whose daughter usually got the part in the playground who said to her: ‘I don’t understand why your daughter has got the part. There isn’t anything special about her.’ Yikes. What happened to Christmas being the season of goodwill? Is this what I’ve got to come?
The first I knew about BB landing the role of Mary was when one of her friends came bounding up to me in the playground at pick-up telling me BB had some ‘big news’, closely followed by BB herself declaring triumphantly to anyone who’d listen that she was going to be Mary.
I thought, to avoid argument, rivalry and disappointment, that the role of Mary went to the year two girl whose birthday falls first in the school year, but apparently not.
Unbeknown to me there had been auditions for the role of Mary and it was BB who emerged victorious.
I was surprised but I can’t pretend I’m not proud. As a non-Mary I’d have loved to have landed the part of Mary in my school nativity plays, but was usually cast as an angel and in one case an alien (don’t ask).
And BB’s gone and done it, all by herself.
The thing is, as a non-Mary, I’m worried about what it all means. Because there is a difference between Marys and non-Marys, isn’t there? There certainly was when I was at school.
Experts reckon giving a child the role of Mary (or Joseph) puts the idea in their head they’ve got a ‘special role’ in the world, while for the rest of us being overlooked in the school play can affect people for the rest of their life.
Indeed the Daily Mail once ran a feature entitled ‘How to decode your child’s nativity role’ in which Mary is listed as being ‘the teacher’s pet, the class’s prettiest, most pleasant girl’ and Joseph is a role boys ‘dine out on well into their teens’. This is serious stuff people.
And the truth is I just don’t think I’m cut out for the responsibility of being Mary’s mum.
I’m also slightly worried about it on two counts: the first being that last year she projectile vomited over the donkey, and the second being that I’ve caught her ‘breastfeeding’ her doll in preparation for the role. I know teachers are getting increasingly inventive with the Christmas story (ours had a wild west theme last year – I’m still not entirely sure why) but I’m pretty sure breastfeeding Jesus doesn’t come into it.
I’m also pretty sure last year’s projectile vomiting was brought on by nerves, and all she had to do was sing at the school fayre. Projecting your voice in an audition in front of your classmates is one thing, but doing it on stage in front of the entire school and their expectant parents, some of whom may be experiencing ‘Why-Isn’t-My-Child-Mary-Syndrome’, is quite another. What happens if she gets stage fright?
There are all sorts of horror stories floating around, including a tale on Mumsnet (I know, I know, I should probably stop googling) about a boy who ‘for comfort, unzipped his flies, got his willy out and clutched it for the whole performance’. The poor little sausage. (The boy I mean).
But perhaps I’m overthinking it. BB is only six, after all. How important can it all really be?
On the upside, Mary is good news on the costume front – a blue dress and a veil has got to be better than bending wire to make halos and fashioning headdresses out of tea towels and all that malarkey.
Are you mum (or dad) to a Mary or Joseph this year? Were you a Mary or non-Mary like me when you were at school? And have you encountered ‘Why-Isn’t-My-Child-Mary-Syndrome’ before? I’d love to hear your experiences!
I went viewing primary schools last week as my daughter starts school next year and one of the schools were busy rehearsing for the nativity play. I got so excited thinking about my little girl being in the plays. The ‘politics’ of it all didn’t even occur to me. I was never Mary in my school plays, though I did once play a disciple and had a singing part. Then on the day I had terrible tonsilitus and could barely make a sound. Great post. #FamilyFunLinky
I was Mary at school (a VERY long time ago!) and I don’t remember it giving me “position” at school. I hated it, I didn’t choose to be Mary, we were all told what we were to be. In year 2, Booey cried all the way through the Christmas performance, they had to take her outside before the end to calm her down. Since then she has been happy to be a side character. Now she is in senior school and they don’t do Christmas performances. Some parents take these things far too seriously.
#FamilyFun
I wouldn’t read too much in to it to be honest. It’s an outlet for all kinds to use their imagination as long as parents take it that way!
#TwinklyTuesday
Ellen x
http://www.elfeelgoodsvintage.uk
Oh yes – this is a thing….
Last year (year 4) did a Christmas play and afterwards there was a huge Facebook row/debate on how it was unfair that certain children always get the main parts.
It was embarassing – I refused to get involved.
My daughter was a stage-hand (she moved the crib) and a bloody good job she did too. She is not a confident actress and she wouldn’t have suited a main part. Other parents took things way too far and I ended up feeling sorry for parents of kids with main parts.
Sarah #TwinklyTuesday
My eldest is yet to turn three and we’ve already viewed primary schools… What is the world coming to! I’m petrified of the education system, not for the kids, but for how I’ll handle it! The school gates politics. Watching ‘Motherland’ has scared me for life, so I’ll just be over here necking my coffee going about my day… #TwinklyTuesday
Oh my god, can’t brlieve this is a thing!!makes me relieved Leo is just a donkey in his nativity – the greatest donkey there ever will be I have to add! Good luck with all the jealous non Mary mums xx #coolmumclub
Oh my word I can’t believe this whole wanting your child to be Mary is an actual thing and people are talking about it on Mumsnet I mean hello….get a life! It’s always when you’re not looking that it happens anyway, as this is proof of! Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely xoxo
OMG 1 I didn’t realise this was a thing, 2 how is this a thing?! It scares the bejeezus out of me for when mine are at school. I hate this whole popular not popular thing and the thought of a parent saying something like that to another fills me dread and anger. Let everyone be the donkey I say! Thanks for joining us at #familyfun
Hahaha I didn’t know that this was a thing, but I can definitely see why. I was Mary when I was 7 years old and I was so pleased (especially because I had a crush on the boy playing Joseph and he had to put his arm around me!). My daughter has just found out that she is a narrator in the nativity this year so she’s pretty pleased with that – she doesn’t like being the centre of attention #coolmumclub
We don’t do the story of Jesus at our schools (not enough dancing involved.) but my daughter did desparately want to be the Cheshire Cat in Alice – she was a hula hooping mushroom instead. It was a rather LSD inspired school musical actually….#KALCOLS
It’s all politics! I wanted to be the angel in my nativity but i think I ended up being ‘assistant angel 3’ or something like that! I hope there’s a bit less vomit this year! #KCACOLS
This is so funny. Congrats on the role too. I say just take it for what it is. A role cast in a play. Embrace it, enjoy it, film it and relieve it when she brings partners home in her teens lol.
#KCACOLS
I wish you both the best of luck! No matter what happens, you can think of that boys poor parents and know that it could have been worse! #KCACOLS
Haha this had me laughing out loud! Poor sausage! Lol! Don’t worry if she breastfeeds Jesus just say she’s method acting because I’m 100% sure Jesus was breastfed. I was a non-Mary at school and my sister was a Mary. oooosh! On quite another note, this whole thing is just a massive argument for homeschooling really isn’t it! 🙂 #KCACOLS
Aw it is funny what we remember from our nativity at school and how it affects us, one of my colleagues at work was a hedgehog in her school nativity!! I hope she enjoys it, my boys were a King and a tax man this year – so cute. Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next time.
This is one of the things that scares me about my kids starting primary school! The nativities, the shows, the concerts. There’s so much pressure. #kcacols
So many things to get one’s panties in a bunch over! Incredible! There is a lot of pressure and we, as parents, can’t let that trickle down to the littles. After all, it should be about the fun and magic of Christmas spirit or insert activity here. Tonight and tomorrow, my kinder will be dancing the Nutcracker ballet with a professional company from Ukraine — and they love every minute, and I will kvell and smile from ear to ear! Working hard for what you want is so much more rewarding than feeling the pressure! Best of luck, and happiest of holiday to you and yours! M’wah! #KCACOLS xoxo
this is so stressful for the kids! And the pressure for the parents! I think I will not give a damn about this kind of things! I know my little one is special whatever he does in the school play. It’s so ridiculous! Plus I would be rubbish at making the costume!!! #KCACOLS