Disorganised, ignorant, rude, uncaring and selfish – that seems to be the general consensus when it comes to parents who forget or fail to RSVP to kids’ party invites.
But is not RSVP’ing to party invites really that bad?
I’m pretty sure I’m not disorganised, ignorant, rude, uncaring or selfish but I do fall into the camp of late RSVP’ers – indeed it’s among my top 10 parenting fails. And when I say late I mean the day before the party late.
I was reminded of this when the middle one came home from nursery with a second birthday party invitation from the same child with a handwritten note from the mum on the back. I genuinely thought I had RSVP’d, but apparently not.
It’s not the first time, either. I once received a card featuring a glossy bunch of flowers from a mum asking if I could please RSVP to her earlier invite at my earliest convenience because she needed to know how many party bags to make. I felt terrible.
According to one thread I’ve read on a well-knownΒ parenting website parents who don’t RSVP – or RSVP late – are ‘total ars*holes’ as well as disorganised, ignorant, rude, uncaring and selfish. But I’m pretty sure I’m not one of those, either. So, what can I say?
I’m sorry for not going through school and nursery bags sheaf of paper by sheaf of paper and discovering your invitation sooner.
I’m sorry for starting to RSVP only to be called away to referee or deal with some child-related emergency and then forgetting all about it for a week or two.
I’m sorry for RSVP’ing without realising I hadn’t pressed send, and discovering my RSVP a week or so later.
And I’m sorry you felt the need to send a brand new invitation and card with a handwritten note inside.
I’m sorry for being a sleep deprived outnumbered mum doing too many things and none of them well. It’s nothing personal. The thing is, though, RSVP rage is real, so I asked some fellow parenting bloggers what they think and was genuinely surprised at the strength of feeling.
Is not RSVP’ing to party invites really that bad?
Yes!
“I hate it. I think it’s really rude not to reply when someone’s taken the time to give you an invite and will undoubtedly be spending money on the event – especially when most RSVPs now are as easy as sending a text!” says Hayley who blogs at Devon Mama. “Even if you’re not sure you can make it, surely it’s polite to say that to the host?! It makes me so mad!”
“It’s extremely rude. I always think that it only takes a few minutes to send a text either way,” says Latoya who blogs at Pure Nourish. “You also have to factor in that some party venues still charge you for no-shows, and that place could have been offered to another child if you have been given notice from the parent that they weren’t able to attend.”
“I really donβt understand why so many people donβt RSVP,” says Mary who blogs at Over 40 and a Mum to One. “We all have phones. A simple text with yes or no takes seconds to send. Itβs a nightmare when you have something like a bowling party and youβre trying to sort out how many lanes etc you need and food. It drives me mad.”
“I find it frustrating when people donβt respond at all, it means I end up having to make sure I have party bags for children who may not turn up and is a pain when having to work out how many to cater for,” says Louise who blogs at Little Hearts Big Love. “To be honest though, I have forgotten about a party invite before now and left it late to reply. I try to put it in the diary straight away now and respond quickly so I donβt forget.”
“I have a pal who replies yes to every invite whether her children can make it or not,” says Susan who blogs at Edinburgh Mummy. “She decides on the day whether they’re going. Only found out when her child didn’t turn up at my son’s party after RSVP’ing yes. She was like ‘oh you have to expect no-shows, there’s always 2/3 children say yes who aren’t coming’. Eh nooooo!!”
“It takes two minutes to reply to an invite with a yes or no and I think it’s pretty rude not to reply,” says Fran who blogs at Back With a Bump. “I arranged a soft play party a few years ago and one person who hadn’t RSVP’d had the cheek to turn up an hour into the party! I told the venue to turn them away! When you’re on the other end of party planning I know how infuriating it is when people don’t reply so I always try and reply within a day of receiving the invite.”
“What I find worse is if someone rocks up with siblings who want to join in,” says Alice who blogs at Living with a Jude. “Some parties are limited by the number involved so itβs a bit cheeky. I had one parent come to my daughter’s party with her other child. I ended up having to pay for them to take part.”
“I had people RSVP’ing on the morning of the party!” says Lisa who blogs at Mummascribbles. “Luckily I had extra party bags and goodies, but it’s really stressful not knowing how many people are going to turn up. And considering I see all of the mums every day in the playground, it wasn’t like they had a lack of opportunities to tell me their plans!”
No!
“I don’t think anyone deliberately doesn’t RSVP at all,” says Kate who blogs at Modern Mum. “When the kids come out of school telling you about ‘cake sale on Thursday, dress up next Tuesday’ then pass you five letters and all their bags etc I think it is easy to slip your mind to respond quickly to a birthday invite. However, if after a week I am still waiting on RSVPs I just send a gentle reminder and I hear back straight away, equally, if I have forgotten, I apologise and let them know straight away. I think us parents should give each other a break, as much as we would like it to, the world doesn’t revolve around our little darlings.”
“Iβm one of those forgetful mums that donβt reply or say they will then donβt turn up (itβs only happened once!)” admits Laura who blogs at Laura Leanne. “Iβm just super forgetful and unorganised. The kids hand me the invites straight out of school with a thousand other things, whilst chatting total rubbish to me and itβs all a bit chaotic. Itβs never done intentionally.”
“Iβm pretty laid back so it wouldnβt bother me if people didnβt RSVP, I would probably just make a point to ask them outright if there was a need for a formal number,” says Kate who blogs at Ever After With Kids. “A kids party shouldnβt be too serious and stressy, itβs supposed to be fun!”
What do you think? Do you get RSVP rage, or are you an unintentional late RSVP’er like me? I’d love to hear your point of view!
If I was organising a kids party and I needed to know how many to book for I would be so annoyed if people didn’t RSVP. I would make sure to give plenty of time to reply. #MMBC
Sorry, but I also think you should always RSVP. I do understand about school bags full of notes, interruptions, sleep-deprivation and all the rest of it, but politeness should never be compromised. It’s like thank-you notes (or texts, or calls) – they just have to be done! And kids need to be taught about the importance of those things too, via you setting a good example.
In wouldn’t say I feel rage but, yes, I’m one who does like to get a timely reply. It does feel rude when you invite someone to something and they can’t make the effort to reply on time or at all! Just RSVP immediately, then it won’t get forgotten about. #MMBC
I do think it is rude not to reply to an invite. The host needs to know how many to cater for or how many spaces to book at an event and it’s hard when a quick text would suffice #mmbc
mhm I d say it’s a fear to commit while it s easier to play it by ear – what do you think?
I find it really rude. Thankfully round here we have all the year group’s parents’ emails and phone numbers, and it’s easy to chase someone in the playground if needed. But if someone hasn’t rsvp’d to me I presume they’re not coming. If they turn up they’ll end up not catered for (because I tend to do lunchboxes) and I’m not going to do spare party bags just in case. It means waste, extra expense, and I might have invited someone else in their place. It also potentially reflects on reliability in future – it would put me off inviting people in future if they didn’t turn up when they said yes or vice versa. Everyone has too much going on to be chasing down rsvp’s.
I don’t think it’s hard to go through a bag or book folder each evening, either answer straight away or put the invite or any letters on the side where it’ll be seen and can be actioned when time is quieter. My son’s year 3, but I still check his book folder for letters etc. If I know I need to reply to something I’ll put a reminder in my phone because I will forget if I don’t action it straight away/write it down. But I’ve not forgotten one yet.
I’m little mixed on this one. I kinow that i have in the past, forgotten to RSVP on time or at all. It’s the life of a busy mum. We cant remember everything
I’ve stopped my kids having birthday parties because it’s way too much stress organising it all and having people forget to RSVP or turn not turn up. I’ve lost loads of money on parties for my three kids, and now we always do something different instead to celebrate. Parties are banned!
If my kids get an invite I check that I can make it, reply straight away, and put in on my phone calendar. It’s simple.
As you may of gathered, it’s one of my bugbears π
I’m only just getting into the world of birthday parties, as the only one we’ve done so far was in our garden so was fairly relaxed. But my three year old is now getting invites from pre school and I’ve made sure I’ve replied straight away. It’s just rude not to, whatever the excuses are. All mums have those excuses. It only takes a text. Not sure whether I’ll get the rage or not, I’ll let you know in June when I’ll no doubt be doing a joint party for all my three at the same time! #ItsOK
I try and invite people with plenty of time – it’s hard to plan a party if you don’t know how many are people are coming. It’s just good manners to respond! However, I am someone who often forgets to RSVP straight away so I am more understanding! #DreamTeam
I don’t think its the worst thing in the world. There have been times I’ve waited because I wan’t sure if we were going to be available and either forgot entirely or sheepishly RSVPd a the last minute. That being said, it really is helpful to have an idea of how many kids to expect ahead of time #dreamteam
I am guilty of the late RSVP’ing, also late at finding the invite too! I don’t mean to be like this, but (wait for the excuses……..), I’m just a bit rubbish I think. Luckily, I have surrounded myself with late/not RSVPers, which does make parties more exciting!
LOL! I love this debate because on one hand it’s pretty rude not to RSVP… and on the other hand…. life can be pretty crazy when you are a parent. And, things do go missing in their seemingly bottomless school bags. I’m on the fence for this one as I’ve definitely forgotten to RSVP at least twice and certainly not on purpose. Thanks for joining us for the #dreamteam x
Sorry … unless you forget (and we all forget and remember a number of times when it comes to these things) it’s only right to respond. If you don’t, there will be a bit of a passive aggressive vibe going down, and maybe, really, you don’t want to go and that’s how you are expressing that, by not responding! #ABloggingGoodTime
I hate it when I organise a party and people don’t reply, not only is it rude but you don’t know where you are for catering and then feel bad chasing them. #Ablogginggoodtime
I always make sure to respond because being a mum who has organised birthday parties before, I know how stressful it can be. And knowing how many children are attending can make things so much simpler. If it’s a genuine slip-of-mind or an emergency, it’s ok, but otherwise sorry, not ok!
I think it is polite to let them know because when I have organised a party I could work out the numbers because I had to pay per person at soft play that made a big difference getting the accuracy right and saving money X #ablogginggoodtime
I think you should RSVP but then you have to cut some slack when you’re juggling a million things at once. We all are and sometimes things get missed. I would just ask if I hadn’t received a response and it was vital to know #ABloggingGoodTime
It’s fascinating hearing different points of view, I think it depends on the party too, I don’t worry when the party is at my home, a last minute person turning up or not is no big fuss, but when I am organising a venue and paying a fair bit for each child it is hard when people do not respond or say yes and then forget to turn up. But at the end of the day if my child is happy then why worry, if I get all uptight about it then so will my child. #ABloggingGoodTime
Although it can be annoying when someone doesn’t RSVP I think 9 out of 10 times it’s likely to be unintentional. I’m an organised person so go through the kids bags every day after school and action the things I need to take care of straight away but I know not everyone is the same. I don’t think it’s worth stressing about, either give the person a friendly reminder or chalk it up to experience. Great post with lots of different points of view x #MMBC
I am guilty of late RSVP’ing but due to the same reasons as you. At one point I was working 50 hours a week as a single parent and my daughter stopped getting invited as I forgot to respond to a couple. But at the same time, no shows on the day is the worst especially when they say they will be coming. I stopped parties for this reason #kcacols
To be honest, it’s not late RSVP-ers that annoy me – it’s the people who don’t respond at all! We get it, everyone is busy, but even if it’s the day before at least tell them you’re not coming! #KCACOLS
I don’t have kiddies yet but I have to admit when I throw any kind of bash I need people to RSVP so I can plan properly. #KCACOLS
This is a difficult one to call as I can see both sides. It is annoying when you need to know numbers etc for a party, but at the same time I know how hard it is trying to remember everything your kids have going on. Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next time
It can be very annoying when you need to know the numbers for a party, for food, etc…however, I have forgotten to RSVP too. I get crazy busy, but I don’t mean to forget. #KCACOLS