Another weekend, another round of household chores to be done. And another round of ‘words’ between Misery Guts and myself. We have been living together for 10 years – married for almost three – yet for a reason that remains a mystery we are incapable of carrying out the household chores without falling out at some point along the way.

I accept that when two people with different standards of cleanliness live under one roof a degree of compromise is needed: I need to compromise down and accept that it’s ok for the bathroom taps not to be sparkling all of the time, and he needs to compromise up and accept that it’s not ok for the bedding to remain unchanged for weeks on end.

I also accept that as I’m at home more often than he is, I’m likely to carry out more of these tasks. But what I don’t accept is that when two people contribute equally to the running of a household in financial terms, one should contribute more to the running of that household in chore terms.

And there’s the bone of contention. Unless I write The List of what needs doing each weekend, nothing gets done. I find myself writing the same list over and over again: strip the beds, do the food shop, clean the bathroom, hoover everywhere, etc, etc.

The List is ingrained in my mind, yet unless the jobs are there in black and white it wouldn’t occur to Misery Guts to carry them out unprompted. Why is this? Why, oh why, after all this time can’t he say ‘there’s no need to write a list this weekend, I know what needs doing and I’ll make a start on Saturday morning’. And why can’t we divvy up the jobs and make them our own so we never have to talk about it ever again? I would be so, so happy.

As things stand, by the time we’ve reached our fifth wedding anniversary you’re likely to be reading a ‘husband strangled with dyson hose’ headline. The problem is BB will soon understand this simmering bone of contention, and what kind of example does the current state of play set her?

Of course the simple answer is to pay a professional. And as soon as we can afford one, I will. But in the meantime, if anyone has a secret they are prepared to share with me, it would be greatly, greatly, appreciated…