The other day, when I was pushing Little B in his pushchair and trying to quietly rip open a Wispa bar and eat it without him noticing, it occurred to me there are suddenly an awful lot of things you canโt do now your baby is a toddler.
Things youโve previously taken for granted suddenly become annoyingly impossible – things a baby wouldnโt notice, but a toddler suddenly does.
Such as:
1. Secret eating. Thereโs no more scoffing a cheeky chocolate bar or a bag of crisps while youโre out and about. At the slightest sound of a wrapper crunching they whip round in their pushchair, craning their neck to see whatโs in your hand and demanding a piece of the action. Bugger.
2. Skipping meals. If they happen to sleep through lunch or fall asleep at tea time you donโt bother making up for it. You just give them an extra big dinner or breakfast. But now theyโre a toddler there’s no more winging it.
3. Talking about other people. Thereโs no more talking about other people behind their back. With toddlerhood comes a sponge-like little person slowly but surely absorbing everything they see and hear around them, to be repeated at a later date.
4. Swearing. Thereโs no more using words like โf**kโ or โJesus Christโ either. Because they willย be repeated. In context.
5. Burping and farting. You canโt get away with doing either of these either really loudly or without acknowledgement. And definitely donโt laugh afterwards.
6. Using words like fart or bum. These must be replaced with โpoliteโ words like blow off, โparpโ and bottom.
7. Eating Christmas chocolate and Easter eggs. Around about the age of two they suddenly know exactly how much chocolate they were given and exactly how much is left. Damn.
8. Dressing them in the wrong gender clothes. Under the age of one it doesnโt seem to matter if they come home from nursery wearing thr wrong gender baby-gro because they got through theย spare change of clothes you packed. But after the age of one it suddenly seems wrong โ especially when their older sibling points and laughs.
9. Not brushing their hair. The good thing about baby hair is that you can get away without brushing it. But there comes a time they develop bed head and you really do need to brush it before leaving the house. Or suffer the disapproving looks.
10. Not brushing their teeth. A bit like skipping meals, itโs not a big deal if you happen to forget to brush their teeth one morning or night. After all, theyโve only got six. But the bigger they get you start stressing about sugar and raisins and rotting teeth and it becomes another chore to add to the never ending list.
Is there anything youย could get away with whenย your baby wasย a baby but you can’t now they’reย older? Or aren’t you there yet?
Linking up with…
My daughter isn’t quite a toddler yet, but I already can’t snack in front of her without her reaching for whatever I’ve got and crying if I don’t share. I’m not looking forward to having to watch what I say around her – it’s going to be hard to keep the odd swear word from coming out! #FartGlitter
The worst is having to share the treats, all while you’re trying to teach them to share too!
I’m sure my kids must be a bit slow, I was stealing their chocolate for much longer! #MarvMondays
Lucky you! I wish mine were slower!!
Haha I love this, you always seem to say what I am thinking! Just yesterday I tried to eat a chocolate bar in secret, the girls were absorbed in the tv and Harry was asleep on the couch, and as soon as I took a bite I heard, “What are you eating?” without even turning round!! When I denied I was eating anything Eva said, “Open your mouth now! Let me check! It smells like chocolate!” and on the word chocolate, Harry shot up from his SLEEP and started screaming for some too! These kids are just spooky, their sixth sense for chocolate is insane!! #MarvMondays
Yours sound very tuned in and detective like! Perhaps they’ll go into the police..!
Oh my goodness go for leisurely lunches. Having a baby was just like having a cute, if cumbersome handbag. He’d just sit there and look at his feet or sleep and I could have a lovely long break #fartglitter
I once heard James Corden say that having one baby is like having a nice little pet, but having two is like you suddenly own a zoo. I think that’s so true!
This is so true! I have two older ones so can’t really get away with much any more. But with an 8 month old I am already thinking about the new limitations – i.e. walking the dog that we didn’t have when my two older ones were at that “DON’T WANT BUGGY, WANT WALK!!” stage. Not really sure how i’m going to handle that one!
#MarvMondays
Goodness it sounds like you have your hands full – rather you than me!!
Haha so true! Especially the secret eating! If I burp Arthur usually laughs, looks shocked, or tries to copy the noise by growling lol!! #fartglitter
I’ve caught Little B mimicking burps too – not mine though!!
I think you’ve hit on all of the things I’ve learned as well. These little guys have the memory of an elephant: they remember everything so now you can’t get away with anything, even little white lies. #FartGlitter
The thing is I find myself telling white lies ALL THE TIME! Mainly about things of BB’s I’ve eaten!
Oh god, all so true. Archie has only just started to pick things up and he copied me saying ‘bollocks’ today, ahh! That kid is also incredibly good and catching me eating something sugary – how does he even know!? It could quite easily be a raisin or something. >_< Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Kaye xo
BB said ‘f**k’ recently. Nothing to do with me…
Haha. .all so very true. I would add being able to watch your tv shows in the day, babies couldn’t care less what’s on the tv but once toddlers it has to be Cbeebies on or nothing. My boy always knows when I’m trying to eat chocolate too..soo annoying xx #Fartglitter
I love it when it’s just Little B at home as I can watch This Morning and Loose Women, but as soon as BB gets home from school it’s My Little Pony until bed time!
Hehe! This made me laugh! My little one is just getting to this age now! Unfortunately we have already made a few mistakes as this evening he bottom-burped and laughed hysterically afterwards….! Oh dear!
Perhaps we could teach them to laugh at home but not in public – could that work?
Green food. The toddler finds it unacceptable whereas the baby wasn’t colour biased :-). I miss the secret chocolate scoffing!
#fartglitter
I’ve had the ‘I don’t like green’ line too. And brown. And yellow. And red…
Haha so sgree eith these! I have however made the mistake of laughing aftet farting. My daughter says pardon me but it is hilarious!!! X #twinklytuesday
It IS hard not to laugh when they ‘blow off’ – it’s a natural instinct for me!!
Yes, Yes and Yes! I can no longer watch my own tv programmes in the day, catching up on my soaps is a thing of the past! The only good thing about no longer being able to eat chocolate, cake and biscuits when I want, is that I have lost a bit of weight, every cloud x
I wish I’d lost a bit of weight!! I really miss my TV programmes too…
Is it bad if I suggest surviving a hangover..? At least when they were babies they would have day sleeps, and you could nap alongside them. But no! Not anymore. GO GO GO from sparrow fart. Of course…this is just what I’ve heard…;) #twinklytuesday
I was toying with mentioning that but decided against it! So glad I’m not the only one!!
No more guTowie or Kardashians either! Suddenly very inappropriate in front of my four year old! This post was a laugh-out-loud, spot on #twinklytuesday
Pleased to hear you laughed out loud!! Programmes I particularly miss include Channel 4’s Dinner Date – I used to love that while breast feeding at tea time. Now it has to be CBeebies or Tiny Pop…
Totally agree with this! My toddler mind is a little sponge at this age and I am copying EVERYTHING! Sometimes my mummy forgets herself though!! Doh! #twinklytuesday
Don’t worry, this mummy forgets herself too!
I can so relate to these! The minute I walk in to the kitchen he follows me to see if I am getting food…and immediately wants what I have got even if he doesn’t like it… #twinklytuesday
Little B is just the same – the way he cranes his neck is so cute!
This is my life. I have to hide in the toilet to eat a chocolate bar and Mr C and I have developed code language for swearing and discussing certain things. The joys of a toddler ๐ #passthesauce
The toilet! Now there’s a great idea..!
My son is 16 months and I have some of these issues already. The snacking one is a real pain! He is allergic to milk but always wants to eat my chocolate biscuits!! I also have real issues getting him to brush his teeth and he has most of them now so must try harder for that one! #Passthesauce
I really stressed out about BB’s teeth when she was little but am much more lax with Little B – as long as he sticks the brush in his mouth and some toothpaste goes in I’m not too worried at his age (he’s 18 months)!
Ha ha, I still eat their Easter Eggs, I just have to hide in the larder now! I’d also add leaving Tampax, condoms etc within reach (by ‘within reach’ I mean hidden at the back of a cupboard, their favourite place to explore! “What’s that Mummy? Is it a sweetie Mummy? Can I have one? But what do you DO with it??? ” Or if you’re even luckier they’ll pull one out of your bag in the middle of Tesco and chuck it at the Pom Bears. #passthesauce
I’m cringing for you! This hasn’t happened to me yet but I expect something along these lines will one day..!
You can’t skip bits in the bedtime book to get them to sleep quicker as they know. I do miss the secret eating!!!
The bed time book is a popular one – I should have added that in!
Aw I so agree with these. Our eldest tricked us with the whole repeating what you say thing as she was a late talker. She evidently was not a late listener though and delights in saying “you remember when you said….” cue much cringing from Mummy and Daddy as she proceeds to quote a questionable conversation from 6 months ago. Gulp! Thanks for linking up with #passthesauce
It’s so easy to get caught out when they comprehend more than they speak – Little B is like that at the moment and I’m dreading what’s going to come out in the future!
Oh god!, The chocolate one is so true!!!! My daughter knows to the ounce how much Easter Egg chocolate she has got left so there’s no sneaking any from her. You can’t miss bits out when your reading a bed time story either! ๐ #twinklytuesday
BB is always on the look out for bedtime story skippage – worst luck!!
Oh gosh I am totally experiencing this with food. #MarvMondays
It’s REALLY annoying – especially when you have to share!
oh really? I have all this to look forward too! haha! my 11 week old is just starting to notice the TV, so now im beginning to think maybe I shouldn’t watch game of thrones with her in the room! xx
#passthesauce
I banned Misery Guts from playing his Xbox with the volume on at around that age – I didn’t want the sound of machine guns becoming familiar!
This made me laugh as we’re going through some of these with baby K. The chocolate one isn’t a problem at the momebtnt as he doesn’t know what it is, he’s never had any, ice cream is a different story! The swearing is true he’s in the repeating stage and I’ve already had an incident where he swore after hearing me so we’re def watching our language x #Passthesauce
Just you wait until you get the chocolate problem too! It does make me think more about what I’m eating though…
Ha ha very entertaining – I’d ask your husband because if he’s anything like mine they can ignore any of the not brushing hair, brushing teeth, meal skipping for a day with zero guilt! #passthesauce
Yes that’s so true, I swear on a Saturday morning when it’s my lie in day the kids’ teeth don’t get done, and it’s plain to see their hair isn’t brushed too!
Lol, yes I’d agree with these – especially the secret eating – no chance of getting away with that one here either. I also can’t sing along to the radio any more – I get told to “stop singing Mummy!”:-( #twinklytuesday
Oh yes, I get told to stop singing too! Especially along to their TV programmes!
Ha that’s very true, Clara can always hear the cupboard opening and knows exactly where the biscuits are kept. She is always saying bum, which I feel quite guilty about but its not really like its a bad word, plus it sounds really funny when she says it! #twinklytuesday
I thought bum was ok to say until I saw one of BB’s school friends getting a proper telling off from her mum for saying it. That made me think twice and I realised I probably shouldn’t laugh when BB says it!
Hahahahaha. This post is just perfect.
I agree with every single point, but especially the secret scoffing.
Sometimes I try to sneak into the kitchen to grab a bit of chocolate or something. But literally as soon as I open the cupboard, they come running in. They must have psychic abilities!
Thanks for sharing, great post.
Sarah xx
whimsicalmumblings.blogspot.co.uk
Not only psychic abilities but radar ears the minute you open the kitchen cupboard or biscuit tin!!
definitely watching our language around the kids is a big one. They repeat EVERYTHING!. which can be awkward. We sometimes arrest aware ourselves until our kids remind us that we say “I am sick of this” way to often…..ooops.
They’re like sponges aren’t they! It’s only a matter of time before I get landed in serious hot water!!
Bad mum here still doesn’t brush my toddler’s mass of curls. It is easier this way.
The eating thing is a sad fact indeed, you will often find me in a corner of the kitchen snaffling a bourbon when I think no one is looking.
You can’t watch whatever you like on TV in the day – I used to love watching real crap like tattoo fixers (not appropriate, especially the willy tattoos) and bake off (mummy, I need cake. I NEED CAKE) and now it has to be effing Peppa or disney princess films… Sigh.
#coolmumclub
I hate that Tattoo Fixers programme – they always seem to come away with something worse than was there before. Or perhaps thatโs the point!! But you’re right, seeing willy tattoos probably isn’t a good idea!!
All too true, I can’t even have a diet coke in front of the child now, when he was small it was great as the empty bottle coupled as a toy, now he loudly declares he wants ‘mummy’s special drink’ and those around me assume it’s rum and coke smuggled in a diet coke bottle, if only! #CoolMumClub
Just popping in from #coolmumclub today – coo-ee ๐
Hmm…have a conversation (with ANYONE) as they will constantly interrupt, have road rage (as they will repeat), go to the bathroom (what are you doin momma), sit down for 5 minutes (momma come play with me), try to hide the cookies (they appear like a goblin out of no where asking for one)…oh and have nice things (as they break EVERYTHING!). haha. Thanks for the good read and a laugh! #familyfun
Sorry #mombrain can’t keep anything straight. #coolmumclub ๐
I miss my secret chocolate scoffing! My son has the worst sweet tooth and has insanely good hearing when it comes to chocolate (or any food for that matter!) At two though, my son still doesn’t have enough hair to warrant brushing it – a win for me! Hurrah! #coolmumclub
My little one is 3 and she parrots everything you say. There have been a couple of oops moments recently! haha
Great post!
Lx
http://workingmumy.blogspot.com
#TheList
LOL I am so bad I have to admit to still doing a lot of these even though my girl is a toddler…and even a preschooler soon! Eekkk! Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely x
I’ve been known to go and hide in another room to sneak some chocolate without my toddler seeing. And I realised the other day that now, in addition to not being able to say bad words, I have to be really careful with what I’m looking at on the computer and make sure there are no bad words on the screen as my 5 year old is starting to read! x #TheList
Hmm… Our little guy is two, but because he’s Autistic, we can still get away with a few of these. He’s not speaking yet, but when he does, I fear we’ll have to stop listening to Kanye West in the car. Thanks for sharing #TheList
Parp!! Hahah. We use trump, and it still makes him laugh like a drain #KCACOLS
This made me laugh! Sometimes we forget that children learn by example – lol! Secret eating is definitely a no no here these days. Along with … well probably everything you mentioned! Thanks so much for linking up with #KCACOLS. Hope you return next week ๐
LMAO, I love this. My daughter is 5 and still holding a grudge with her Daddy for eating some of her Halloween candy 2 years ago! We look forward to getting out of the baby year until we realize there is a price to pay for growing up, they know what we are doing and saying! #KCACOLS
Ha ha I love this – these are all the things I have to look forward to (!) I’ll indulge in the chocolate whilst I still can xx #KCACOLS
I actually have alternative names for people my children know and see often, so if I happen to be talking to N about something they’ve done to annoy me, I can use their made up name so it won’t be repeated to them next time they come over while the kids are about. Is that awful? #KCACOLS
My son just turned 13 months old, and these are increasingly becoming more true. Especially the food thing!
Like seriously, anything I’m eating, all of a sudden there are chubby little fingers on my plate, even if he just ate! Such a funny, but seriously true, list x #KCACOLS
Oh this still has me laughing, such a great post ๐ #KCACOLS
Hehe, so true! They’re like a parrot – if you say something you shouldn’t, they’ll be repeating it as often as possible! x #KCACOLS
haha lol re talking about other people. i have to be sooo careful! and secret eating. he says to me often, mummy, what you eating. hehe #KCACOLS
Popping in again, and realising on re-reading this that I do actually still do a couple of these with my toddler. She regularly tells us (quite proudly) that she’s farted and I’m ok with that word! And we very rarely brush her hair, it’s still taking ages to grow in bless her! x #KCACOLS
haha these are soooo true! my boy always says he’s farted – cracks me up tbh and I’m only ok with it because I know it annoys the mother in law so much. the best was when we were eating out with them and I asked my boy quietly, have you done a poo love? No mummy, I just farted! well, cousin cracked up and that egged him on even more. he spent a good minute shouting out that hed just farted:/ hehe #KCACOLS
Proper snorted reading this! Especially the one about trying to secretly eat something and they ALWAYS know! I am never quiet enough!!! Brilliant fun! Thanks for sharing! #KCACOLS
Snorting is good!!
Oh the teeth., I am constantly stressed about this and I seem to be the only person who looks after my son who cares! Everyone else (husband and grandparents) are FAR too relaxed about it! Great list, I can’t think of any more to add…they do copy everything don’t they so tone is something I’ve had to change sometimes if moaning to my husband! #KCACOLS
And you can’t be sarcastic either or they mimic that too!
Great post! popping back with #KCACOLS XX
Thanks for coming back again!x
Bahaha! I still manage my secret eating, usually while at home I sneak into the pantry while the kids are absorbed with the television, and then feel guilty soon afterwards. I also remember distinctly the moment I knew that I could no longer fart in front of her without her knowledge… Went something along the lines of, “Mama, you stink!” One of the many perks of having a baby, I suppose.
#KCACOLS
Tori
http://www.themamanurse.com
At least she didn’t call you out on a fart, sorry, parp, in public!
Love this!! Especially the secret eating, can’t get anything past those pesky kids! #KCACOLS
Mine have finely tuned ears and noses to sniff out my chocolate stash!!
Still got the baby phase. It’s great knowing what is to come. The food thing worries me, I like winging it and giving milk. I’m getting better at packing snacks! #kcacols
I’m still winging it and giving milk sometimes and Little B is 18 months now!!
Oh my word, thank you so much for this post. It took me back to when my (now teenagers) were little. It is so true, they hear and repeat everything you should not have said! ugh! Hehe! #KCACOLS
I hope it brought back happy memories and not bad ones!!
Hee hee no. 10 – YES! I almost feel like the sulky kid not wanting to brush teeth – it IS just another chore for the list. A highly important one of course, groan x
I really loathe the teeth cleaning – there’s a show down every night in our house…
Oh you are so spot on with all of these things, funny and well observed. Now mine are bigger the list has increased, lately is to not laugh out loud quite so loud…because I am sooo embarrassing now!:) I quite like that! And as you pointed out when you commented on my post, even more so now, don’t try to read a book, there will be no more time for that!:)
mainy – myrealfairy
#KCACOLS
I miss reading sooo much. I’m looking forward to when they’re teenagers and stay in bed all morning…
Oh yes, I definitely hear you about the chocolate… in fact I tried to buy some easter egg off our 6 year old today, doing the decent thing and all. It’s got white chocolate in which she doesn’t really like… With no other choc in the house and she didn’t bite ๐ We used to be able to talk in code and spelling out the ‘trigger’ word but not anymore seeing as she can spell!! #kcacols
Offering to BUY it, now there’s an idea! I might steal that one!!
HAHA these are all so true…wait till they get to five..you can do Nothing! I chocolate eat secretly in the bathroom! or when I put the bins out. You cant sneakily have a ten minute Netflix catch up or you have a little boy asking whats happening or why are those people attacking each other with swords. I put my son to bed the other week without brushing his teeth..I forgot as I was so tired and he told me he would inform his teacher! Fab post #KCACOLS
Oh no – getting threatened with the teacher is bad news!!
Haha I was chuckling before I’d even gotten to the list – secret eating is more like a covert military operation since SB graduated from babyhood to toddlerhood! #KCACOLS
It’s awful isn’t it – I’m an expert and not crunching the wrapper now!
Great list. The teeth thing is such a struggle: sometimes I put it off for so long after breakfast that I only remember when we’re halfway down the street and have to turn the buggy around. Or not. Sometimes. :/
I’m terrible on the teeth brushing front. Must. Get. Better.
I can’t eat my breakfast in peace without my son demanding “Share it” – why did I teach him sharing was a good thing?!
I also can’t enjoy a chat with my mum friends during a play date anymore because we’re too busy stopping WW3 over the Fisher Price eggs!
I HATE people pinching my food! And I’ve lost count of the conversations I’ve never finished…
These are all so true! Though we’ve actively encouraged ‘bum’ because we’re childish! #coolmumclub
I don’t see anything wrong with bum either…
Oh gosh this list is terrible about reminding me of all the things I had forgotten and all the things to come! My babe’s hair has been a nest for too long and the sharing business was cute at first and getting ridiculous now. I just starve instead. Oh the joys of motherhood…#KCACOLS
You should steal the food back – don’t starve!
Haha so true I still eat the chocolate get busted everytime. Also now my daughter is 10 there is no hiding anything it’s like the toddler copying you she is literally wanting to know everything #kcacols
I’m not looking forward to when mine get into double figures!!
Hairbrushing is literally the worst part of mine and my five year olds morning. She has quite long and fairly thick hair that is prone to knots but will she cut it?! No because now she knows best obviously!!! #kcacols
I know that feeling! We have an amazing brush which is like a tangle teaser but better – it’s called Angel something…not much help I know!x