They say confidence comes with age, but as far as parenthood is concerned for me confidence came with each sleepless night, each explosive poonami and each temperature-fuelled bug I dealt with. This is me with an eight-week-old BB in 2011, wet behind the ears (me, not her) and suddenly in charge of this tiny little thing who was completely dependent on me.
Research by Nurofen for Children has revealed that on average it takes a new mum six months to feel confident as a parent, and that new mums are more likely to ask their own mum for advice on their childβs health than their doctor.
I certainly did: considering myΒ brother and sisterΒ and IΒ survived a time when the idea of a car seat was strapping a carry cot onto the back seat of the car and the night-time remedy for colds was putting a naked flame in a vaporiser in our bedroom I figured she must know what she was talking about. I donβt think I cut BBβs nails until she was at least a few months old β I was so terrified of nipping the ends of her fingers I got my mum to do it.
Itβs only now thatΒ I’m a mum of two that IΒ realiseΒ how much more confident I am second time round. As well as the differences between first and second babies there are lots of things I wish Iβd known as a new mum:
1. The reason babygros have split shoulders is so that you can shimmy them down the body instead of over the head in a poonami/puke situation. A friend pointed this out when BB was about a year old β until then I had no idea thatβs why theyβre like that. To think of all the poo in hair I could have avoided!
2. Youβve got nothing to prove. Celebrities might dart back to work weeks after giving birth in pre-pregnancy clothes but that doesnβt mean you have to. Iβve said it before, but I wish Iβd sat around in my pyjamas watching daytime TV more when I was on maternity leave because the tiredness did catch up with me.
3. More day-time sleep doesnβt necessarily make for a sleepless night. I used to go out of my way to avoid car journeys which would send BB into a motion-induced sleep, and then spend the rest of the day dreading worrying about what the night would be like. Nine times out of ten sheβd sleepΒ as normal despite the extra day-time nap.
4. You donβt need half of the things lists in magazines will have you believe. Hats for indoors, scratch mittens that just fall off and loads of baby towels – these are all baby items you really donβt need.
5. Don’t be afraid to medicate. The baby I mean, not you. When I had BB I was so determined nothing but milk would pass my exclusively-breastfed baby’s lips unless it was absolutely necessary that I made life far harder than it needed to be. Over-the- counter medicine likeΒ NurofenΒ for ChildrenΒ is the difference between a broken night and a peaceful one; aΒ grizzly, fractious teether and one that takes it in their stride and a difficult 24 hours after those milestone jabs or a normal day.
Is there anything you wishΒ youβd known when you were a new mum?
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Before Henry I believed that I couldn’t operate on less than 8 hours of sleep each night. Now having gone back to work with a Little Monkey who doesn’t sleep right through, I now know you can survive on so much less.
However your point about confidence is so true. I still feel like I make the odd mistake (or 10) but I feel confident i’m making the right decisions about Henry. Lovely post. Renee @peonieandme #bestandworst x
I was always an eight-hour girl too. Now I’m lucky to get that two nights put together!x
I was always terrified about the sleeping during the day situation. Its nice to know that if I have a second child, chances are I will feel more confident. #bestandworst
It’s funny the things you end up over-worrying about. I’m sure you’ll be much more laid back next time!x
The bit about equipment is true – you don;t need half the stuff they tell you to do! And it’s worth trying to get some of the big ticket items second hand or looking on freecycle etc for clothes.
Yes that’s very true – I got an almost perfect bumbo second hand and lots of other things x
Yup I learned all of these the hard way too. In particular – you don’t have to accept every invitation to every mum’s group going, you don’t have to prove anything to those other mums who can make socialising with a newborn look like a breeze (re your no. 2). And as for medicating, I was also wary of giving my baby pain relief but now if I think my baby’s in pain I don’t hesitate. I’d rather give him a bit of medicine and have him feeling better promptly than persist with comfort and distraction strategies that are having no effect.
I really didnβt give BB medicine when I should have done – feel a bit guilty about it now!x
I wish I’d known that EVERYONE will have a different opinion and not to listen to most of their advice as I have to make my own way as a Mum x #throwbackthursday
Yes I’d forgotten that one!!
I so agree and especially with the medicine one! I hate giving myself drugs let alone my daughter but you have to. And it’s best to be as chilled as possible really π xx Thanks for sharing with #throwbackthursday xx
I don’t take medicine when I should either…
Great post! I’ve always wondered about the shoulders on baby grows, and now I know! I have asked my mummy friends in the past and no one seemed to know. Makes total sense though to not want to take it over baby’s head after a nappy explosion! #effitfriday
Debbie
I’m glad I’m not the only one then! They should have instructions on the babygro packet!
I was really reluctant to give calpol too, but you’re right, if they are in pain, you want to make them feel better so you need to do it! Becky x #ThrowbackThursday
I’m so much more easy with it second time round!x
I couldn’t have been more clueless as a new Mum! By the time I got to the triplets I was so much more laid back, wisdom and experience is a wonderful thing #SundayStars
Just the thought of triplets makes me shudder! I think you’re definitely classed as a pro!
I am totally with you on the first one. I think I was the same and Lily was about 1. I now tell all Mums and Dads that little tip! thanks for linking up to #sundaystars
I’m always amazed that no-one realises about the envelope shoulders – it seems so obvious but it just isn’t!!
Great read! There are so many things I would do differently if we ever have another child! Its incredible how much pressure you put yourself under the first time round! I was desperate to be the perfect mum and perfect housewife and soon realised I couldn’t do everything all of the time. I didn’t know the trick with the babygro’s until Mia was pretty much out of them so I will remember that one! π
#SundayStars
I expect if I have a third I’ll do it all differently again too!
I’ve never had my own kid but I like your tips, especially the tip about spending time lounging on the couch instead of following in the path of celebrities. Ugh the pressure new mum’s must feel! #abitofeverything
I definitely wish I’d made more of my 20s in terms of lying on the sofa!!
You really don’t need half the stuff you think you do! I wish I had known to follow my instincts more and not to rely so much on all the so called ‘advice’ that is offered! #abitofeverything
I know it gets silly doesn’t it!!
Great post!
#twinklytuesday
numerotwentysix.blogspot.co.uk
KT xo.
Thank you!x
I was definitely more confident the second time round, although to be fair probably a lot less organised! I didn’t even have a changing bag with my daughter so was always forgetting nappy bags or something along the way. So my advice to a first time mum would be to try to relax a bit and enjoy without the stress x #sundaystars
Yes you’re right – we should enjoy it & make the most of it as it only happens once!x
I wish I’ve known that breastfeeding could result to hard and sore breast… although I would still breastfed my kids if I have known that but at least, I would have prepared myself for the challenge. The sleepless nights / interrupted sleep is a total nightmare, isn’t it? I think all new mums have experienced that. #TwinklyTuesday
The broken nights are the absolute worst!!
Oh god yes!!! this has described me to a T haha!! ! Suz x Beauisblue.com
Glad to make you smile!!
YES! Everything you’ve said. Especially about the being scared with my first to give any form of over the counter medication. I was petrified. Less so with the second!
I feel sorry for a third if we ever have one!!
Excellent post! I was terrified of medicating my baby too! And I bought lots lots lots of stuff I didn’t need at all for #1. Come #2, I was much more relaxed and could enjoy mothering more. Poonami – what a great word!! Thanks for sharing with #abitofeverything