Me-time and mum guilt.
If you’re a mum the chances are the two go hand in hand: you can’t have the first without the latter.
I’m writing this after being lucky enough to have two whole days and nights childfree, when despite my reservations I left Misery Guts in charge of the kids and hot-footed it to my sister’s for the weekend in pursuit of some much-needed sleep.
To be fair my reservations weren’t without foundation: when I suggested Misery Guts go to the supermarket to get everything he needed for the weekend – ie food for the kids – he came back with a 12″ pizza, a packet of coffee and a bottle of vodka. Which is a perfect example of why I need me-time in the first place.
The trouble with looking after everyone else and always being ‘on’ is that you’re never off. And if you’re never off it’s very hard to relax when you do get the chance because you feel like you should be doing something. And if you’re not doing something things like the aforementioned shopping trip will happen and everyone will starve. All of which has led me to conclude there are 10 distinct stages of me-time mum guilt.
The 10 stages of me-time mum guilt
1. The end of the rope has been reached. You need some time alone. If you don’t get it soon bad things are going to happen. Very bad things.
2. Me-time has been arranged. It took military-style planning, but everything is in place. You can’t wait.
3. Second thoughts kick in. Is me-time really such a good idea? Couldn’t you just go on a little longer and plan something for next month when the baby is one month older?
4. You absolutely cannot go on a little longer. You need some time alone. You need to sleep. Otherwise bad things are going to happen. Very bad things.
5. It’s happening. The day has arrived. You’ve got one, possibly two, days and nights completely childfree. Woohoo!
6. What if they eat the dishwasher tablets in the cupboard under the sink when your other half isn’t looking? Or worse, the detergent pods?
7. You’ve slept through the night for the first time in months. You feel like a whole new woman. Woohoo!
8. You wonder what they’re doing. Do they miss you? Have they noticed you’re not there? You’d give anything for a squish of their cheek or to blow a raspberry on their tummy.
9. Does me-time make me a bad mum? You don’t remember your own mum disappearing overnight every six months or so. Or perhaps she did and you just didn’t notice.
10. Me-time is bloody marvellous. Is it possible to add an extra night? You should definitely do this more often.
Are you a mum (or dad) in need of some me-time? Does any of the above resonate with you? I’d love to hear about your experience!
If you liked this you may also enjoy reading:
10 things to do with 10 minutes me time
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oh we all need me time, even if it does make you feel guilty. I’ll confess something to you now, when I first got sick I spent two weeks in hospital, there was no time for planning or making sure everything would go right, and I was so poorly I didn’t really have chance to think about what mess my family would be in. When I started to feel better I did worry a little but everyone seemed to be coping fine without me. I’d love to be able to spend another couple of weeks lying in bed having everything done for me while my family dealt with their own problems….and it was guilt free!
Ahh! We all need a little me time. The only time I get is when the kids are at school but it is enough. I put aside at least one morning a week to go back to bed and catch up on some sleep.
A couple of days break from mothering duties sounds like bliss! I hope you feel recharged now #MMBC
Me-Time! it should be a club that we all must be a member of! I really struggle with this. Kids always come first, how will they survive without me? Guilt is awful but it’s part of being a mum. Is it wrong that I’m facing a hip replacement and I’m actually looking forward to being in hospital??????
Oh ye relate to this so much, the never ending mum guilt that is always there through everything – sigh! X #mmbc
Ha! Yes. I totally get this. I’m glad you got some me-time. I wonder if they did miss you. I bet they did.#MMBC
This makes me laugh, I’ve so been here and still am even though the kids are now in their 20s and teens. #DreamTeam
Lol yes I can relate to this. Especially that feeling of reaching the end of your tether and being in desperate need of that me time. So important to get some every now and then. If the guilt hits, I try to remind myself that I can’t pour from an empty cup and that I’ll be a better mummy for it. Overnight me-time and sleep sounds blissful – it’ll be a while before that becomes an option here! #ablogginggoodtime
Oh absolutely! We did it in September, the hubby and I. We went away for the first time to London for the weekend and left the two ducklings with my sister-in-law. Right up to the point of walking out the front door I was having second thoughts, thinking ‘I’m fine, I will be totally fine now if we cancel, I don’t really need this’. Boy was I wrong. I couldn’t believe how much I unwound over those two days. It was incredible. I have never gone away alone but I know hubby is trying to gear me up for it in the new year. He probably know how much I could do with it! You are absolutely right – getting the break away is essential! #dreamteam
I’m so stage 6 for ages but maybe it’s cos the kids have additional needs. Great list #kcacols
Some me-time would be lovely but I find it so hard to relax… This post made me laugh though, especially the pizza, coffee & vodka! We try to keep all poisonus stuff out of reach, otherwise no 6 would cause way too much worry. When I was working I used to have a night away once or twice a year, for conferences. That was sometimes a good chance for me-time, although it was work too… Thanks so much for linking up to #KCACOLS, hope you come back next time! x
This is SO true!! Logically I know how important me-time is, but I feel the guilt every single time! I laughed so hard at the pizza, coffee, and vodka part! That is so something that my husband would do…probably just to freak me out!! Hahaha! Thanks for sharing! #KCACOLS
I hear you! I recently had 5 days in Greece without the littles and it was unbelievable for my sanity. It was hard to go and I felt guilty, but it was amazing. Even 2 months later when I have a bad day I think back to that and feel recentred! Thanks for joining the #DreamTeam
I went to visit my parents by myself in the summer for a few days and it was absolutely wonderful. I had time to myself and really lovely quality time with my parents. And the children had a great time getting to stay up later than normal with my husband in charge! x #KCACOLS
I would pay top dollar (if I could) for an hour and one-half massage – me time, no talking, nice oils, feel good. Great post! #KCACOLS xoxo
Hahaha these are so relatable! I’m properly giggling to myself #KCACOLS