Being almost 25 weeks pregnant with baby number three I’ve had time to reflect on some of the things people say to you when you’re expecting.
Well-meaning things, things that are said off-the-cuff and without malice, but at the same time a tad annoying if you’re theΒ pregnant woman in question who’s heard them over and over again.
Sometimes twice, even three times a day.
10 things you should never say to a pregnant woman
1. ‘You look tired’. Of course you’re tired. You’re growing a baby. And if you already have other little ones to look after the chances are you’re exhausted. But donβt say it and make them feel even worse than they already do.
2. ‘Was it planned?’ There’s a whole host of reasons why you shouldnβt ask this question, ranging from the fact you have no idea what went on before and to achieve the pregnancy, to the fact itβs basically none of your business. And what does it matter anyway? Just don’t go there.
3. ‘Your bump is huge!’ As if the fact your body is morphing into shapes you never imagined isn’t bad enough, total strangers commenting on the size of your belly is just rude. You wouldn’t comment on the size of someone’s belly if they weren’t pregnant (I hope!) so don’tΒ do it now.
4. ‘Your bump is tiny!’ I’ve had comments about my bump being both big and small in the same pregnancies. Surely it canβt be both. Keep your opinions to yourself.
5. ‘It must be a boy because you’re carrying at the front’. Nope. I carried all my babies at the front and BB is most definitely a girl.
6. ‘It must be a girl’. Like the comments about my bump being both big and small, I’ve been told I ‘must’ be having both a girl and a boy. Since I’m not expecting twinsΒ I canβt possibly be carryingΒ both, and I’m sorry but unless you’re armed with an ultrasound scanner thereβs no way you can possibly know.
7. ‘It’s going by so fast!’ Time might be flying for you, but the chances are time isn’t flying for the expectant mother in question, especially if this pregnancy follows a complicated previous pregnancy or pregnancy or neonatal loss. However well intentioned, button it.
8. ‘My friend had her baby at that hospital and had a terrible time’. Why oh why would you say this? Unless you’re Victoria Beckham or Kim Kardashian it’s not as though we have a choice of five different hospitals. If you have a hospital horror story to tellΒ do not tell it to a woman due to give birth there.
9. ‘You can’t eat that!’ Actually, I can. As if any pregnant woman is going to knowingly put the health of her unborn baby at risk. Please leave us to make educatedΒ decisions ourselves.
10. ‘Will you have another?’ Most pregnant women can’t think beyond the birth, let alone another baby. Can we be allowed to just enjoy the moment please?
Is there anything that got your goat after hearing it for the umpteenth time in pregnancy? Or didnβt you mind?
Linking up with…
I heard pretty much all those! I think people just like to make conversation but unfortunately it’s the same crappy lines! I hated the comments on how I looked! X #msrvmondays
I’m sure people mean well too and we’re probably a bit more sensitive when we’re pregnant so it gets to us more than it would otherwise…
These are all so true! Im currently 16 weeks pregnant and my bump is popped out, I’m quite big so getting used to the comments already! I would also say that the one about it being planned is weird? why do people ask that? hmmm odd people don’t they know we are pregnant and can’t handle odd behaviour please!!! thanks for sharing and hope its going well. #MarvMondays
I do think that being pregnant perhaps we’re extra sensitive!
So true! There seems to be a standard list of things that all people feel they must say as soon as they see a pregnant woman. The one that really got my goat at the end was “had any signs yet?” What? You mean like a baby popping out of my hoo haa? Nope. Not yet. Think I’d probably have noticed that one. Very well said! #MarvMondays x
Yes – I forgot that one! That’s sooo annoying!
Amen to all of these! I hated being told I looked tiny as I felt like people would just confuse me for being fat and hated being told I was big for the same reason!
I was once asked to move from my seat on the tube for a pregnant woman as she was more pregnant than me due to her bump size *eye roll*
#marvmondays #bigpinklink
Really??!! I can’t believe that!
How many are you having… One… Then proceeds to tell me how big they think I am.
When are you due? (Tell them due date) seriously shocked look on their faces…there’s no way you are going to make it… (I’ve made it exactly to my due date everytime. What makes you think you are an expert… It’s just a different way of saying your big.
It really is awful some of the things people say to pregnant women, do they just not think before they open their mouths?!? Thank you for sharing with #bigpinklink x
Social boundaries seem to go out of the window…
Haha, I heard so many of these! So annoying haha, all you can do is grit your teeth right?! xx
#marvmondays
I know everyone means well and I’m not cross really…well maybe sometimes!!
I think people just like to make conversation but what they say doesn’t come out well. I found the tummy touching by strangers a bit disconcerting at times. #twinklytuesday
Anything to do with commenting on or touching the tummy is not on in my opinion!
It’s so sad people need to be told these things! What is it with pregnancy that makes people forget normal social boundaries?! #TwinklyTuesday
Quite!
I definitely heard a fair few of these when I was pregnant! The most offensive definitely was comments on the size of my bump. It actually really used to upset me and I used to think how rude it was, half tempted to make my own sizeist comments on other people! Cant say I miss hearing these, hope you arent getting too many of them, especially third time round! Emily #TwinklyTuesday
Haha, very true. I get a lot of comments on bump size ranging from ‘you’re HUGE!’ to ‘wow, I’d never guess you were that far along.’
Our good friend once interviewed my husband on stage at our church when I was pregnant with our daughter … and asked him if our daughter was planned or was it a ‘happy accident’. In front of the entire congregation. Still plotting our revenge for that! π #twinklytuesday
Couldn’t even tell you the amount of times people said “I bet you wish he was here already” to me!! Hahhah! Great post! #TwinklyTuesday
I think we all heard at least one of these on your list. The ones that annoyed me the most were when people started talking about what I should and shouldn’t do, all sorts of birth stories, comments about my bump, how big, how high, how low it is…Ohhh, thatnk god iI’m done with pregnancy;)))
#TwinklyTuesday
So true! Or when I was pregnant with my third and walking around with my younger two “Boy, you sure have your hands full!!” Yep. Yep I do… usually that led to the was it planned question.
My second baby is 3 months now, but I had constant wel its going to be hard to do this or do that with 2 of them It drove me nuts, you just have to politely smile and whisper fuck off under your breath π
The tired one drove me mad! What are you supposed to look like? Full of the joys of spring?!? I also hated ‘how do you feel’ constantly when I was battling really bad morning sickeness for about 4 months. No one wants the truth so they should just stop asking. #TwinklyTuesdays
So true! I hated when people would ask are you planning another one, it’s like wow give me a chance I haven’t even got this one out yet hahahaha! #TwinklyTuesday
I always got told how big my bump was, I mean it was, but at least my arse looked good lol, even though I did have big bump I hated people going on about it. I also got annoyed when I was pregnant with number 3 that everyone went on and on about how much we and especially my husband must want a boy after 2 girls, no we didn’t! We did get one, but I wasn’t having number 3 to try for a boy. Most people were lovely though and just excited to see a pregnant woman #ablogginggoodtime
This is brilliant! I hated how people asked me if I was disappointed that I’d had another boy when my little man was born. Maybe you could also write a what not to say after the birth post?! Thank you for linking up to #ablogginggoodtime
Absolute agree. Don’t tell me your horror stories or the reality that faces me…in fact due to this, I talk to pregnant ladies about everything but – because I know that’s all I wanted to talk about. So what’s your favourite candle scent? Heheh #ablogginggoodtime
These are so true, and the ‘was it planned’ question makes me so angry. One time, I was even asked if I knew who the dad was, because I am a ‘young mum’ (which automatically makes Little R an accident, and me a hussy who can’t settle down with one person!) #ablogginggoodtime
Yes yes yes. Being almost 18 weeks pregnant with my 2nd baby, I have heard every single one of these multiple times. Especially number 8 and 10. Let me enjoy this moment and keep your comments to a minimum! #twinklytuesday
People can be so inconsiderate. My wife got all these from relatives and sometimes from people we barely knew! #Marvmondays
Oh my goodness. Whenever you meet a pregnant woman you should say “you look great” and “your bump is very neat” if you feel compelled to mention the size of the bump. Jeeez. Pen x #KCACOLS
I think I heard all of those when I was pregnant! #KCACOLS
Definitely heard every single one, so annoying! X #KCACOLS
You are so right about all of these. I’m not sure why when people see a pregnant woman all of their common sense goes out the window. Honestly, pregnant or not you should never tell a woman she looks tired/exhausted π #KCACOLS
I remember all these! I think the most cringe worthy one is ‘was it planned’. O – M – G ! Someone asked me that at work and I literally hid in my desk. #KCACOLS
Totally agree! I remember these. Especially the ‘oh you look tired’ well thanks for saying that! of course I am after working a 9 hour shift on my feet at 36 weeks pregnant! Haha nothing like stating the obvious! Lovely post! xx
Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday.
Oh man I remember lots of those. The obsession with bump size was the worst. Half the people saying it was huge, others that it was tiny. Just say it’s a lovely bump!! #KCACOLS
Number 8 definitely – why do people always want to tell you bad stories?! That and the ‘was it planned’ errrr bog off and mind your own business!! 25 weeks in – how exciting!! #KCACOLS
Was it planned? Ugh I hate that one. That question alone was enough to send me into a melt down at one point. And the comments on the hospital! Why! Just why! #KCACOLS
Yes! Unless you want a pregnant lady throat chopping you do NOT even think these thing!
#KCACOLS
Yes yes yes! All such dangerous things to say to a hormone frenzied lady! I was ready to tear into the next person who said my bump was neat – it may look small to you but I feel like a beached whale. And I was well practised at a fixed smile to those who told me I needed to rest or shouldn’t be picking that up. Grr!!!! #kcocols
Oh dear haha. I found it wasn’t pregnancy that got me, but labour! I had so many people afterward asking me how the labour had been. With both of mine I had complications and traumatic births, I still can’t really talk about my first properly, so being asked about it while still raw in my mind was awful! x #kcacols
Lol! Re #9 when we were on our babymoon the waiter asked me if I wanted the ‘mocktail’ menu, I was like ‘no I’ll have a glass of prosecco please’
Same waiter, same night then asked me if I wanted my lamb cooked through and I was like ‘no thanks’
He must have thought I was wild haha!
#kcacols
Yep people are so rude when you’re pregnant and all suddenly think it is okay to have an opinion on how you look. No one ever wants their weight mentioned for starters grr.
Stevie x
All very good points and relevant to me at the moment too! x #KCACOLS
Haha yes to all of these! We were so sick of hearing “Was it planned?” with our fourth that we didn’t tell anyone I was pregnant at all with our fifth!! #KCACOLS
Ah too true! I got sick of answering the same questions: “when are you due?” “Do you know what you’re having?” “Will you have anymore?” “Have you been sick?” Etc etc. I’ve sent this post to my two best friends, one pregnant with her second and one with her first βΊοΈ #KCACOLS
I heard basically all of these to. The most annoying one was everybody just expecting my daughter and 1st born to be a mistake and an accident because I was 17. Really wound me! Just keep your opinion to yourself!! And expecting me to be alone and struggle. Ironically I’m still with her father, we have another baby and they’re both brilliant and very easy children! This is why we tend to keep away from most people – they’re far to judgey and outspoken! #KCACOLS
I heard all of these and they drove me mad! #KCACOLS
I do not miss thos pregnant days. #KCACOLS
[…] squeezing myself and my massive belly out of the crevice between our car and the one parked next to me I then had to squeeze BB out of the […]
I’m 30 weeks pregnant with my 3rd and think I have had all of these too… One thing that I really cant stand its people coming up and rubbing my belly followed by making one of the above comments.