When something bad happens, how much information is too much information when it comes to kids?
Should you try and hide it and pretend it didn’t happen? Should you lie? Should you be upfront and give them all the details? Or should you give them an edited version of events?
I ask, of course, because of the terror attack on London this week, when a policeman was stabbed in the line of duty and innocent people lost their lives on Westminster Bridge. Like the how do you tell a child about death conundrum, how do you tell a child about a terror attack?
Just three weeks ago we crossed that very bridge on our way to and from a Teletubbies event on the South Bank. With Tinky Winky tucked firmly under her arm BB danced along the pavement, stopping to look at Big Ben and pausing to peer over the bridge into the river.
We carried the double buggy up the steps onto Westminster Bridge just yards from where the attacker’s car mounted the pavement, with Little B and Littlest B – who was just 12 days old at the time – safely stowed inside. Or so we thought. The fact is everything could have changed in a matter of seconds.
When we got home from school on the day of the attack this week and turned on the TV to watch CBeebies the news flashed up – BBC One was the last channel I’d been watching before turning the TV off that morning.
On seeing the flashing lights of the emergency vehicles BB immediately asked me what was happening, and in the time it took me to decide what to say the newsreader had already told her. Which prompted 101 questions.
As parents we want nothing more than to wrap them up in cotton wool and keep them innocent for as long as possible, but when it comes to events like this is that really the best policy?
I decided to be honest and explain what had happened. Here’s why.
Why I’m telling my kids about terrorism
1. Honesty is the best policy. If they know that something bad has happened but not what you’re in danger of inadvertently creating a bigger problem, especially if you’ve got a thinker on your hands. Best not to let their imagination run away with them by giving them the facts instead of hiding or glossing over them.
2. By being honest you’re giving them an awareness of the world they’re growing up in. We can’t protect them forever, so isn’t it better they have some understanding of the world around them than none at all? As a forces child I lived in Germany in the 1980s when a military base near us was targeted by the IRA.
A car bomb injured 31 people, and as a result we all had to check under our cars every time we got into them. Some people had special mirrors on sticks to check for bombs and others – like my mum and dad – got down on their hands and knees to peer under their vehicles. Can you imagine doing that every time you get into your car?
There were also warning posters everywhere, featuring burnt out cars with forlorn looking teddy bears lying nearby and emotive messaging. I don’t remember being frightened, I remember being intrigued.
3. You can’t control what they hear in the playground. When BB came out of school the day following the attack she was full of a version of events she’d been told by another boy in her class – and most of it was not only wrong, but highly exaggerated. Luckily she already knew what had happened, so wasn’t unduly upset or worried by what she’d heard.
4. Terrorism reflects the very worst of human nature, but it also reflects the very best. The MP administering CPR, the staff from St Thomas’ Hospital rushing outside to help, the woman who ran straight to the underground station and told them to evacuate – those are just a few of the acts of heroism after this latest attack.
5. I’d like to think they’ll thank me for it. In years to come, I’d like to think they’ll appreciate the fact I was honest and told them the truth.
Are your kids aware of what happened in London this week? How are you dealing with it? Do you think honesty is the best policy, or have you tried to shield them from it?
Linking up with…
This is a great post and I couldn’t agree more. Honesty is always the best policy when you express that information in a clear calm and tender way. #TheLinkyLink
A good post. My daughter is only two so thankfully I don’t have to face this yet. I agree with you that it’s important to be as honest as you can (whilst of course protecting them). I think in the future I would want for her to hear things from me rather than pick up scary, bigoted or false information in the playground. #thelistlinky
My daughter is 8. She remained blissfully unaware of the attacks in France and Belgium though each coincided with trips we were due to take abroad so whilst my nerves were in tatters, she skipped merrily along. But this week, our experience was similar to yours. She heard it on the radio on Thursday morning and was full of questions. She had a point of reference for it and it all felt so very close to Kent, where we live. So like you, I bit the bullet and gave her the truth. I suspected that she’d hear about it at school so wanted to ensure that the story she had was balanced. I REALLY like what you said about Look for the Helpers. I am going to remember that!
#TheListLinky
I love the Look for the Helpers comment. RTd it after the event – nothing else. I too was brought up in the time of IRA terrorism and my parents were due to have dinner at a restaurant in central London one day. The restaurant was bombed and their table destroyed along with the diners. Luckily for them, they had cancelled that morning. Unluckily for the couple who were sitting there instead ..
My Dad died a couple of weeks ago and our son couldn’t be sheltered from what he had suffered as there were so many phone calls over the months which I would otherwise have had to hide in the car to make. Worse than anything was the not knowing for me growing up, so yes let’s tell them. xjo #TheListLinky
This is one of those subjects where you’re kinda sitting on the fence; as a parent, you don’t really know what to do. Rather, don’t know the right thing to do. But the points you’ve made here are very good; I guess if children are old enough to understand, then the truth must be told. Well done you!
#TheListLinky
I’ve been wondering how I’d deal with this when my little one is old enough to understand – you make some excellent points and have convinced me that honesty is the right way forward. Thank you! #thelistlinky
Yep I agree with all your points above. My eldest is 8 and watches Newsround who always do a wonderful job reporting in a way that children can relate to. My almost 6yr old kept seeing bits and pieces on tv so I told her in a way that I thought was appropriate to her and made sure she felt safe. I grew up in Belfast so there was no avoiding it really but being aware of terrorism didn’t necessarily make me feel scared.
It’s hard, we’d al love to protect our children from the big bad world but it’s more important we equip them to deal with it in my opinion. #TheList
You are very brave to let them know all this information. I am still struggling with how to tell my children.
In my eyes honestly is always the best policy. The children watch the youth news channel every day at school. We discuss things at dinner every evening. This came up and we discussed it openly as we did the Belgium attack. Like you I focused on the people helping! I love that quote from Fred Rogers. Great post! .
[…] seems like only yesterday I wrote about why I’m telling my kids about terrorism in the aftermath of the Westminster terror attack, and here we are again just two months […]