‘I’m scared for me & I’m scared for the kids’. I’m referring, of course, to the terror attack in Manchester this week.
I was tucked up in bed with Littlest B when I heard the news – it was first thing in the morning and we’d just woken up from a remarkably good sleep given she’s just three months old. She’d had her first feed of the day and had fallen back to sleep contentedly in my arms as I reached for my phone to see what was going on in the world.
I wish I hadn’t.
It was one of those moments when you’ll remember where you were and what you were doing when you heard.
It seems like only yesterday I wrote about why I’m telling my kids about terrorism in the aftermath of the Westminster terror attack, and here we are again just two months later.
When Britain voted to leave the EU and Donald Trump won the American presidency I also wrote about weird things I worry about now I’m a mum, in which I said there’s no point worrying about things you can’t change.
But this time things are different. This time I am worrying.
‘I’m scared for me & I’m scared for the kids’
People say they won’t let acts of terrorism change them, and we shouldn’t change what we do and where we go because of it, but I disagree. The thing is terrorism does change things. It changes things a lot.
People also say life goes on, but this time I’m pleased to see it hasn’t.
General election campaigning was suspended, both the BBC and ITV pulled their scheduled day time programming and BBC1’s evening prime time slot was replaced with the soothing tones of David Attenborough.
Because things have changed a lot.
I was on a bus a week or so after the Westminster attack when a man got on the bus and used the controls in the ceiling to close and lock the doors. My first instinct was to get off the bus as soon as possible – why was he locking himself and us inside a vehicle? – but before I knew what was happening he’d unlocked the doors, stepped off the bus and disappeared into the crowd.
A few years ago I’d probably have dismissed him as a random nutter messing around – and he was just a random nutter messing around – but the fact is things are different now. Things have changed a lot.
Even Misery Guts, who isn’t prone to histrionics, phones me when I go into London now to remind me to think about where I’d hide if anything were to happen and where might be a safe place to go to.
I’m due to go to a concert myself in a few weeks’ time and the idea of being in a confined space with lots of people scares me. Because the fact is it’s a target.
Misery Guts says I should still go because not going is what they want, and then they’ll have ‘won’.
But if going means three small children lose a mum and a husband loses a wife then I don’t care if not going means they’ve won. The potential loss to our family is greater than who has or hasn’t ‘won’.
Like I say, things have changed a lot.
Right now my bed with my baby sleeping contentedly in my arms seems like the only place I know we’re 100% safe.
There’s no getting away from it. I’m scared for me and I’m scared for the kids.
Have you changed the way you think about or do things in the wake of the latest terror attack? Are there places you won’t go now as a result? I’d be really interested to hear your thoughts.
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Linking up with…
Hope you feel a bit better today Hun. These awful events have had my question going into Birmingham (which I don’t do often) and think about safety more. It’s horrible as I don’t usually but too much keeps happening 🙁 scary times indeed. Thanks for sharing with#bestandworst xx
It’s funny that my post on the same topic is I’m Not Scared. Of course i worry and its frightening what our kids our growing up in but anything seems to be a target and we can let these mindless idiots stop us living our lives. #bestandworst
You just think it couldn’t possibly happen to you don’t you but after the recent attacks it’s clear that it can happen to anyone at anytime. I am determined not to let fear stop me from living my life though. I want to make sure I always see the good in people, the good in living and life. #bestandworst
I hear you. It’s frightening times. A new strain of evil. #bestandworst
I know what you mean and while I agree with Misery Guts that just getting on with things as normal is the best thing to do otherwise they have won, there are risks in that and everyone has to make up their own mind. Hope you’re feeling more at peace today
It has been an awful couple of days….
I do worry. I just wanted to get my girls out of school on Tuesday to give them a big hug.
My teen is off to Newcastle on Friday on a school trip and I am worried. It’s not a big event or anything but it’s a big city. It has really made me think about going to concerts in the future.
#bestandworst
You have written exactly what I’m thinking. Yes, of course it’s changed the way we live. Like you, I can’t imagine leaving a motherless child and a widower behind just because I ‘didn’t want the terrorists to win’. #ablogginggoodtime
Natalie this is precisely how I’ve been feeling all week. I wish I could just go ahead and not worry but when Hubby asks me if I fancy a day in Amsterdam I think twice now and I am extra vigilant at the airport. But I do not want to freak the boys out and they have been asking so many questions… I have been trying to focus on the positive points the people who helped, the medics those who opened their doors, cars and arms to strangers. Thank you for linking up to #ablogginggoodtime
It’s really terrifying. Every time my mind starts to think about these things, I have to shut it down because I know that the fears and anxiety will spiral out of my control. I’m trying to just carry on with things, not because I don’t care, but because I care deeply and I can’t let that fear win #ablogginggoodtime
I think as much as we’d like to think we’re not affected by these senseless acts it does change the way we think and see things. I work in London Bridge and since the attacks in Manchester you can see the level of security has gone up from the moment you get into London Bridge station, armed officers were walking around and all the offices have security standing outside checking passes before you even set foot in the building. It should make us feel safer but it also makes me worry about the fact that we need to take these drastic measures.
As for me I am definitely more aware of who gets on and off the train carriage I’m in and there has been one time where I have got off the train but you just can’t help yourself x #ablogginggoodtime
Its so hard, isn’t it? Now that a place where young people were targeted it all seems so much worse, which I’d imagine was the plan.
Really well put and so similar to how I’ve been feeling. It just puts into question everything you want to be doing. It’s a worrying time.
Mainy
#bestandworst
Such an awful thing with such a devastating impact on so many people. It is so frightening #ablogginggoodtime
Such an awful thing with such a devastating impact on so many people. It is so frightening and my heart goes out to those families directly affected #ablogginggoodtime
Be aware, be vigilant – that’s all you can do. Remember plenty of Londoners lived through this in the 70’s., Parisians in the 90’s and a million of other countries and cities have to manage. We just need to too. I do still look around more than I should, and note the escape routes (for what good that will do me). So it’s there, and it’s not healthy. But we can overcome it. #KCACOLS
It is an event that seemed to touch us all. I can’t help reflecting on the fact 2 of my boys were at a concert there a couple of weeks ago. It is going to make us all a little more concerned at going out. #KCACOLS
It’s so difficult isn’t it because I’m one of those “I won’t let them stop me doing what I want” but I too am now doubting concerts and alike. I’m totally with you in the view of if letting them ‘win’ means I get to stay alive for my family then so be it.
My thoughts are with all of those involved and affected by what happened at Manchester arena. I can’t see a solution. These terrorists don’t appear rational that you could resolve things verbally and peacefully with them. Similarly I’m not a great advocate of war as often it means more innocent people being killed.
It’s a sick and evil world we are tragically living in and I really don’t know if there is an answer.
Thanks for linking up.
#KCACOLS
It is really tough isn’t it. I have burst into tears so many times this week, usually when on my commute into work on the train whilst reading the news.
There is no answer to this. I’d like to say that it is a phase. Crises are cyclical. This will end, but something else will start. Pen x #KCACOLS
having three young children and limited babysitters, I don’t get out much! LOL (well, not childfree anyway)
But a friend of mine went to a concert the other evening and I was concerned. I don’t think its something I could do at the moment, as this was not the first concert attack it feels like this a new ‘trend’.
I’m quite glad I don’t live near a city at this point as I think I’d be a bit of a wreck.
Such sad news.
Great post, #KCACOLS
It is absolutely terrifying hun-I have just written about this myself, as I know a lot of people have. There’s no sense in it and no understanding of why these kind of people do what they do to innocent people.
Surround yourself and your family with love-and it will get you through.x
#PostFromTheHeart
I hear you. And I hate feeling scared. I’ve a concert this week and it feels selfish to go if there’s a risk I’ll leave two boys without s mother. At a party this weekend, the fire alarm went off and my 8 year old was terrified, literally pale and shaking. All this news about bombs and terrorists is frightening him too. #PostsFromTheHeart
It has been such a terrible and terrifying time for us all, especially as it is inconceivable that children and young people were targeted this time. And like you, my initial reaction is to wrap my kids up in bubble wrap and hide them away on a desert island, but we’ve got to let them live and experience life just as we have done. But I agree, it’s very scary and hard to do. #postsfromtheheart
Completely agree with you. As much as we say we won’t let it affect us and interfere with our lives, it does. I have been reluctant to travel to my usual places and living near a big city, I’ve avoided going to the places I normally do.
#PostsFromTheHeart
I totally agree, things have changed and I think for a long time we will think now about where we go and whether on balance the risk is one worth taking. We even had a conversation before going to the Zoo this weekend. The Other Half is more pragmatic than I am, I like you cannot help but think of the what ifs. #PostsFromTheHeart
In a way I’m quite sheltered. I don’t live in a city and I live in Scotland which is not often the target for things like this. I grew up near London in the IRA years so was very aware of threats, and since moving as a teenager it has always felt as if we live somewhere safer. But the Manchester attack woke me up a little, as it wasn’t London. We were at an event in Glasgow over the weekend and I did wonder if we should go. I definitely agree that if we stop living as we do then they have won, but just like you I think if something were to happen to me or my family if we kept doing what we do, then they’ll have won anyway. It’s a dark cloud to live under.
#PostsFromTheHeart
I’m so with you. so many people say oh we cant let them win. well that’s all well and good but if it means putting myself at risk then why would I? I know every day is a risk but why go out of my way to go to a gig/huge gathering in a public space right now. ive always wanted to go to Bristol harbour festival but honestly, id rather stay home in my garden this summer. #kcacols
I have been one of those who says that we must not change, or else they’ve won. However, reading this has made me think again, that actually, you’re right. Things HAVE changed, and we need to re-evaluate what and how we do things in response. Thank you. #PostsFromTheHeart
Where are we safe? Probably no place is safe. Which is just so effing awful to think about. Truth is, after 9/11 nothing is the same. Now, on a daily basis, we hear about who, what, when, where, and how many? It’s frightening and terrible to have to explain. mr t, our sick in the head prez, is doing nothing but inspiring more hate. This world, our kids world, need more love and empathy. After all, there is only 1 human race. We all need to embrace our unique and different qualities, not fear them. TY for this post. #KCACOLS
My o/h and I have always been safety conscious but the attacks in Westminster and again in Manchester has heightened our fears. O/H doesn’t want me to step foot in Central London with our Son Eco as it’s a target. The same goes for Paw Patrol Live. In our eyes it’s better to be safe than sorry. #postsfromtheheart
It’s a scary world we live in, with the most horrific things happening some days. Its not nice to live in fear, but the truth a lot of the time I’m scared too, especially now that I’m a mom, and have this little person to look out for as well. #PostsFromTheHeart
It’s so awful, isn’t it? I honestly can’t imagine, and I certainly won’t be going to any concerts or large cities anytime soon. Although I recently read an article that stated they are now targeting the South West and will be door to door shootings…I guess we will never be truly safe, which is purely terrifying.
#kcacols
And now sadly attacks in London again 🙁 My office is just across from where the attacks were and the train station is just outside. 24hrs before that i was in Manchester for BlogOn. I am looking at people more carefully now too. #postsfromtheheart
I am behind on my commenting and am reading this in the wake of the attack at the weekend. For us this was particularly close to home and friends were in the market. I fear constantly on two levels for my teens, that of a pure safety perspective as my eldest is out and about a lot in London and also the world they are growing in up filled with such atrocities. Whilst my teens were littered with terrorist stories nothing on this level. It is horrific. #postsfromtheheart
I am not scared. But then I live on the edge of nowhere Wales. I grew up seeing what the IRA did to cities like Liverpool and Machester – they’re strong and will continue to be so. #kcacols
I feel you as I’m worried as well about the future. I’m scared what the world coming too in the future. Hoping for my kids to have a peaceful and good future. #kcacols