Today is Little Bβs first birthday. That means itβs been a whole year since he calmly arrived into the world, blinking up at me under water with the night lights of Brighton twinkling in the background (it sounds magical and it was – totally unlike BBβs birth).
It also means itβs been a whole year since I felt like a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders: after two heart breaking miscarriages I had carried and delivered a healthy baby β a brother for BB and a son for us.
I recently saw a photo on social media in which a mother had finally had her happy ending after five miscarriages in a row. It was a picture of her and her husband and their new baby. But she wanted the babies she had lost remembered in their first family portrait too, so the photographer had added the silhouettes of five small children β a mix of boys and girls – holding hands behind them.
It brought a tear to my eye and I can see what the mum was getting at, but it got me thinking. Iβm fairly certain Little B wouldnβt be here if either of my previous pregnancies had been a success: bar an βaccidentβ, we never planned to have four children.
Yet it seems like he was always meant to be here. I donβt mean as a second child or as a sibling for BB, I actually meanΒ him β with his big blue eyes and bouncing blonde curls and cheeky laugh.
Which means if he was always meant to be here, the babies we lost before him werenβt. Which, a year on, helps put some closure on the whole thing.
We’ve got a Halloween party planned & I’m going to try & conjure up a cake based on Little B’s favourite TV show: the Furchester Hotel. Results (for better or worse) will be on the blog on Monday!
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This brought a little tear to my eye. I too lost 2 little wonders between my boys and it broke my heart. What an amazing way to bring closure by accepting that BB was meant to be here. I feel the same about my little man. He is my sunshine and I couldn’t be without him! Enjoy your Halloween party and congratulations! #PicknMix
Oops – didn’t mean to make you cry!x
Your sense of closure and acceptance really comes through in your writing. A lovely post, a lovely baby boy! #picknmix
Thank you – he’s wonderful!x
Your post has brought tears to my eyes. I can’t imagine the loss of a miscarriage. The photograph with shadows you describe must be such a powerful image. I think your way of looking B & that he was meant to be here. That would make it easier to accept or at least rationalize your loss. B is adorable by the way! #picknmix x
I didn’t mean to dampen everyone’s Friday! He was definitely meant to be here x
I totally get this. I had a miscarriage 4 years ago, and without it, my son would not be here. I got pregnant accidentally and wasn’t in a relationship with the father, so it was completely unplanned. When I lost the baby, I started to question my fertility and had some investigations, which led to my deciding to get pregnant on my own before it was too late, which led to Piglet’s birth. I now view my miscarriage as a serendipitous twist of fate, as without it I believe I would still be single and childless.
What an interesting story! So glad you had your happy ending x
Oh, hon brought tears to my eyes too! I too have suffered two for no really reason other than you said they are just not meant to be here. Its lovely to hear though that you went on to bring little B into the world π he’s gorgeous. And I hope the Halloween cake went well xx
Thank you – the cake went well, it’s #MySundayPhoto today (or what’s left of it!)x
Aww what a lovely post and what a special little boy π Ava has recently turned one and I can’t believe how fast this last year has gone. Thanks for linking to #PickNMix
I know time flies by!
What a lovely post! And such a beautiful picture-and yes, he is meant to be here. #bestandworst
Thank you – I’m so glad you like it!x
I feel you here as I lost two babies before my precious Aspen was born, and then another before April was born. It is hard to be happy yet grieving and confused about who was meant to be here when I feel they are all my babies. It was such relief when my babies were born healthy and strong. Happy birthday to your precious miracle boy xo #bestandworst
I don’t think I’ll ever forget the ones that didn’t make it – especially the one I saw on an ultrasound alive and kicking x
Aw, big hugs! We lost one too. A little twin for our tot. I’m forever grateful that we got our take home baby but my mind will always drift back to the little lost one.
Thanks so much for linking up to #bestandworst xxx
Yes you never forget x
I can’t even imagine how it feels, but I’m glad you’ve found a way to carry on and move forward (and all those other cliches people come out with when they aren’t sure what to say!!)
Thanks for linking up to #PicknMix
Stevie x
Onwards and upwards I say!