Picture this: you, your other half, alone, in a hotel, child-free and without the prospect of a nappy to change or a highchair to wipe for at least the next 24 hours. Sounds marvellous doesn’t it.
Yet leaving your baby overnight for the first time isn’t as straightforward as it sounds.
At 13 months old we’ve just left Littlest B overnight for the first time and even though she’s baby number three and I’ve done it not once but twice before it still took weeks of mental preparation for me to be ready to do it, and even then I considered bailing out at the last minute.
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We haven’t been apart for more than half a day since she was born and she’s literally been everywhere with me.
So how can you make leaving your baby overnight for the first time as painless as possible – both for you and for them? I asked some mums and dads for their best words of wisdom here’s what they said.
10 top tips for leaving your baby overnight for the first time
1. Don’t feel guilty. “It’s important to try and not feel guilty as time to yourself is vital,” says Victoria at Lylia Rose. “Call and text for reassurance if you need to.”
2. Planning is key. “I felt at ease leaving my first born to my parents because I had prepared well,” says Veronica at My Parenting Journey. “I briefed them well and even listed everything on paper just to be sure they could access it quickly instead of the phone. It had ‘if – then’ kind of situations listed.”
3. Remember they will be fine. “Drop and run and enjoy,” says Frances at Whinge Whinge Wine. “Honest, they will be absolutely fine and spoiled to death. Their grandparents did ok with you/your partner or you wouldn’t be leaving them!”
4. Make sure their favourite things are close by. “My daughter loved In The Night Garden and the music always helped soothe her,” says Pete at Household Money Saving. “If she ever got upset when we were away, my parents would put the CD on to cheer her up.”
5. Have them looked after at your house instead of someone else’s. “That way the babyis surrounded by all his familiar sights and sounds,” says Vikki at Family Travel With Ellie. “I also left an unwashed shirt of mine (sorry!) for the baby to snuggle so it had my scent and that really comforted him I believe.”
6. Only ask for positive updates. “One thing I asked for the grandparents not to do was tell me that he’s missing me, as I knew that would make me feel worse,” says Sarah at Just Buttons Blog. “Instead I asked them to send me lots of photos of him having fun and it made it so much easier!”
7. Don’t ask for updates at all. “The first time I left mine with their grandparents my mum told me that they were only sad when they could see me,” says Sara-Jayne at Keep Up With The Jones Family. “So I resisted the temptation to call and say goodnight to them, or to Facetime, and I know it sounds harsh but I tried so hard not to think about them. They had the best time, my parents enjoyed the bonding time, and I got a little break!”
8. Remember babies have no concept of time. “Don’t make too much of a fuss when you leave them and remember that they will most likely forget that you went away,” says Suzy at Our Bucket List Lives.
9. Nerves are normal. “I left mine overnight for the first time at three months and it was equal parts exhilarating and terrifying,” says Christy at Welsh Mum.
10. Remember why you booked the trip in the first place. “Remember that you’ll be a better, fresher parent going back,” says Eileen at 2 Nerds & A Baby.
Do you remember leaving your baby overnight for the first time? Do you have any top tips?
Thank you for including me. This is such a great and useful post. Hopefully it will help with anxiety for a lot of parents. Mostly they are so young that it will end up you more affected by it than them!
Thanks for this, I have three children and have only ever left them overnight when I’m having the next baby!! Mainly because I can’t find anyone who will have them though, especially now I have three ! #familyfun
I only leave mine with her dad, when I visit friends or relatives – she’s three. I’m setting myself up to leave her with my mum though, before I was nervous about whatever poor soul had to try to wrestle her into PJs and brush her teeth!
Hmmm I left my first for the first time at 2.7years! I may have taken the 2 month old with me! What can I say I love them!! I didn’t even leave him to go give birth as I had my 2nd at home! It was liberating though when I finally did! Breastfeeding and time meant we didn’t need or want a break away! Thank you for linking up to the #familyfunlinky
Brilliant tips. It’s so hard isnt it. I still struggle leaving Molly now and she’s 3. She gets so upset and it breaks my heart so it’s very rare that she stays out anywhere now x #FamilyFunLinky
Great tips, I have never left my 2.5 year old. I think he would love to spend a night at Nanny and Grandads house. But my husband and I are not at the point where we could leave him overnight and spend all the time worrying he is ok. We will get there in the end!
From the age of 9 months old we have been leaving them for a 1-night stay with their grandparents. At this age, both already slept through the night. And because they were familiar with them – it made it easy and less worrying. Of course now that they are much old and tweens – they still enjoy sleeping at granny and grandpa’s.#Twinklytuesday
I’m definitely a writer downer – well I definitely was when the kids were small. I left my first for a weekend at three months and then again at four months – albeit with daddy. It was for a couple of really close friends hen do’s that I could never miss.
My advice is don’t compare yourself to others – everyone is ready at different stages, so don’t feel bad (or judge anyone elses) choices about when they are comfortable to be away from their baby.
Great post Nat – but FYI I can’t believe she is 13 months already! WTF!
xx Thanks for linking to #coolmumclub
[…] survived! After leaving the baby overnight for the first time (easier said than done when you’re still breastfeeding at one) I’m pleased to report […]
I’ve only been away from my eldest once over night and that was because I was having my youngest! I think its harder as they get older, I was expecting to be in hospital overnight a few weeks ago and they were distraught at hearing it. I would definitely agree with tip 2, I made several lists before, trying to cover all eventualities. Thanks for sharing and linking up with #TwinklyTuesday
It’s such an emotional one isn’t it? I still really struggle to leave my two overnight now and they’re 5 and 3!? I agree that having then looked after in our home has been much easier for all concerned in our experience. You’re right though. The break and time to reconnect does us all the world of good. Thanks for linking up lovely x #DreamTeam
Gosh, I can’t remember when we first left the Tubblet with grandparents but I remember she loved it and we were totally weirded out by her not being there.
All of these are fab tips. I left mine overnight from around six months old I think. It’s only ever been my parents who have babysat and that’s been great that we have them to rely on. I would say that while it’s emotional, from my experience as long as your child is with someone they know, they are happy as Larry. Thanks so much for linking up at #kcacols. Hope you come back next time
Good tips! We only left out now 8yo for the night a handful of times and it’s an odd feeling. Now she loves sleepovers and not doing it when she was younger clearly hasn’t scarred her, or me! #kcacols
i haven’t left my daughter (aged 3mo) for more than an hour and a half yet, Im exclusively breastfeeding so it makes it difficult but Im expressing this weekend so i can go to the theatre on Monday night. We left my son overnight for the first time when he was about 18mo. It was heart wrenching and I had a lump in my throat as we drove away but my mum stayed at ours so he had his home comforts and he was fine, loved it! He’s staying out tomorrow for the second time in his life at his aunties and is so excited. #KCACOLS
It is so hard leaving your baby for the first time. My little girl is nearly two and I still struggle with it. Separation anxiety can be a struggle. I find a strong alcoholic drinks eases me into the evening and helps me let my hair down and relax somewhat. #KCACOLS
My son stayed with my sister overnight for his first sleepover and out first night away from him. It was so quiet. #kcacols
I really struggled leaving our 6 month old for the first time overnight, we then spent our entire ‘child free’ evening talking about our baby! #KCACOLS