I’m afraid this is going to be a bit of a ranty one.
It involves a certain virus, a heavily pregnant (and hormonal) mama and some ‘words of wisdom’ I’ve been treated to over the last few weeks.
While it’s fair to say I’ve received lots of lovely messages of support ahead of the arrival of baby number four who is due in less than a week now (you know who you are – thank you!) at the same time there have been some not-so-helpful pearls of wisdom too.
I don’t doubt people mean well, and in many cases speak without thinking too, but even so I thought I’d compile a little list of things NOT to say to a pregnant woman in a pandemic – especially one due to give birth in the next few weeks.
7 things NOT to say to a pregnant woman in a pandemic
1. “Your due date is when the height of the pandemic is predicted.”
What am I supposed to say to that? I’m well aware of my due date, thank you very much. And pointing out that the crisis is due to be at its worst then is not helpful.
2. “Have you seen this report about [insert coronavirus birth horror story here]?”
Nope, I hadn’t. Until you very kindly pointed it out.
3. “If I were you I wouldn’t go near a hospital right now.”
Given home birth services where we are have been withdrawn I – and thousands like me – don’t have much choice. Think before you speak!
4. “If the midwife is wearing a mask, how will you hear what they’re saying?”
I have absolutely no idea – I’ve never given birth in a pandemic with midwives wearing masks and visors before!
5. “Whatever happens you’re stronger than you think.”
No, I’m not. I need to know no-one in our house will show any symptoms of coronavirus between now and when I go into labour, I need to know I won’t have to labour and give birth alone, and I need to know my husband can be there. But no-one can guarantee any of these things.
6. “What’s the big deal? Fifty years ago women gave birth without husbands or birth partners all the time!”
That may be, but that doesn’t make it right!
7. “What a terrible time to be giving birth.”
Again, what am I supposed to say to that? I can’t cross my legs for six months until the worst is over. Not helpful!
Are you currently expecting or do you know someone who is? I’d love to hear about your experience!
Love this, taken me back exactly 35 years ago when I was pregnant with my first #kcacols@_karendennis
I found people would say the most unhelpful things when i was pregnant and that was without a pandemic happening. People really should think before they open their mouths. Maybe unleash some of those pregnancy hormones on their asses – they’d soon realise their mistake #MMBC
Hope it all goes beyond perfectly for you. My motto will always be ‘if you can’t say anything nice, say nothing at all’ and doubly so in these times. #KCACOLS
Oh hunny, I feel for you. Don’t listen to anyone. I’m sure your birth will go as planned pandemic or not! Stay safe and hope everything goes ok for you.
You can hear perfectly with the masks, so just scrub that one out. That’s idiotic. They’re made of paper not plastic. I am one who always looks at the statistics. While nothing will change that your partner can’t be there, statistically there are a squillion women giving birth at hospitals at the ‘height of their country’s pandemic’ and it’s still all good. Add to that, the maternity ward is not next to ICU. The midwives should not be mixing with the COVID staff. That thing of telling people the horror story that they had been lucky enough to miss is one of those weird human quirks. I’ve no idea why we do it but we do it all the same…Good luck. On the plus, think that you’ll have a new baby and no one can come visiting (and interrupt your naps!!) #Dreamteam
I am sending all the positive thoughts your way and hope the upcoming delivery goes flawlessly with your husband right by your side. #DreamTeamLinky
aw all the best for the big day! Yes fairplay for putting these comments out there π #dreamteamlinky
People really do need to think before opening their mouths sometimes! Noticed this post is a week old now…. Do we have a new arrival?
As if people would even think to ask pregnant ladies this. You are under even pressure and worrying as it is without people asking these types of question. I have three pregnany friends at the moment I wouldn’t dream of saying this. All the best. Thank you for joining us for #kcacols we hope to see you next time.
Oh goodness! Aren’t people daft sometimes?! When I was pregnant with the twins I can’t tell you how many people pointed out to me that twin pregnancies were fraught with risk!!! Hope all goes brilliantly for you and looking forward to hearing about your latest buddle of joy #DreamTeamLinky
Sending best wishes: I expect it will not be that different to ‘normal times’ births as my midwife friends are working hard to keep things calm. I have no idea why anyone would want to cause further stress by worrying about the ‘what ifs’. Thanks for linking up with #dreamteamlinky
This time may seem funny in hindsight… I just came from reading your post about what you will miss about the lockdown, so, so far, things have worked out fairly well!