Two years. That’s how long the World Health Organisation recommends breastfeeding babies for.
But 20 months in I’ve decided it’s time to give up breastfeeding.
If you’re a regular follower of the blog you’ll know I’ve breast fed all three babies well into toddlerhood, well beyond what many might consider ‘normal’.
We reached six months, then 12 months and then 18 months, still going strong as we headed towards their second birthdays. But now we’ve reached that stage with baby number three I’ve decided enough is enough: it’s time to call time on the milk bar.
So, why now? We’ve come this far, why not carry on breastfeeding until the much-feted two year mark? One word: sleep.
Why I’ve decided to give up breastfeeding
Since the littlest was born on Valentine’s Day 2017 she has never slept through the night. At the time of writing that’s one year, eight months and seven days – or 616 nights. Mercifully I have slept through the night during that time – for six of them when we’ve been lucky enough to be able to leave her with grandparents.
But six nights out of one year, eight months and seven days isn’t very much. It’s 0.9% – less than 1% of her lifetime. Unsurprisingly I’m tired. I’m so tired I’m already tired tomorrow. Sometimes I wake up and wonder how on earth I’m going to get through the working day, let alone the rest of the working week. I can’t remember the last time I woke up and felt better, and I desperately need to feel better.
I’m tired of lying in bed shivering while feeding her at night because she’s hot and sweaty and doesn’t want the duvet. I’m tired of doing 4am boob to cot transfers only for her to go off like a rocket seconds later because I had the audacity to put her down in her own bed. And I’m tired of sleeping on a sliver of my own bed while she occupies the rest because that’s the only place she’ll sleep. I’m tired of being tired.
Of course sleep deprivation is cumulative, and it’s got to the point sleep deprivation is having side effects I can’t ignore. My immune system is shot to pieces because my body is doing two things at once – nourishing two people at the same time – and there isn’t a concealer in the world that can hide the bags now under my eyes. Most days it feels like I’m wading through mud. Basically, I’m running on empty.
This was brought home to me when I agreed to take part in the Great South Run, the country’s biggest 10 mile road race, partly to support Misery Guts’s ongoing fundraising efforts for diabetes charities and partly because of the work we’re doing here on the blog with Simplyhealth, who sponsor the event.
It was while training that I realised just how exhausted I actually am, causing me to question what on earth possessed me to sign up. What was I thinking training for a 10 mile run having had just six nights of meaningful sleep in the last 20 months? Perhaps sleep deprivation has made me delirious (if you want to know how it went head over to my social media feeds – it actually went surprisingly well!)
A post shared by Crummy Mummy (@confessionsofacrummymummy) on
And it was while training I realised things need to change – I simply can’t go on like this any longer. The older two only started sleeping through the night when I stopped breastfeeding them, and I need the youngest to start sleeping through the night too. If that means we don’t make it to the magic two year mark on the breastfeeding front then so be it. I’ve given it my very best, and she’s grown into a strapping, rosy-cheeked toddler in the process.
Now I’ve come to that decision I actually feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, because I know things are going to get better and at last I can look forward to sleep, glorious sleep. Of course weaning her off the boob doesn’t necessarily guarantee she’ll sleep through the night, but with the milk bar out of the equation it does mean broken nights can be shared for the first time in 20 months. And if I’m only half as tired as I am now, I’ll be a whole new person.
Did you or your other half breastfeed and did you make it to two? Do you think we put too much pressure on ourselves as mums (and dads)? I’d love to know your thoughts!
If you liked this you may also enjoy reading:
Why I gave up my dream job to breastfeed
5 things I said I’d never do as a mum
Should I give my finger-sucking baby a dummy?
Linking up with these fabulous blogs!
You have done amazingly well, so just remember that and be proud of your achievement. Good luck with the new sleep routine.
As someone who can count how long they breastfed in days, not months, I think you’ve done brilliantly. I’m fairly horrified by the pressure put on women to feed (and do other “correct” things), particularly when the advice changes so frequently. Some things we can do well, others we can’t. Mostly, I think if you and your child are getting through the days fairly happily (and only moderately exhausted), then you’re onto a winner! #itsok
With out kids, my wife found it too difficult to do this so they were both bottle fed. I know they recommend breastfeeding but we found our kids responded well to good formula. I think that’s the key though, picking the right formula if you can’t do this.#DreamTeam
Oh you poor thing! You have done a fantastic job and from the sounds of it you more than deserve your full night’s sleep. You always have to do what is right for you, not for other people. We just can’t live our lives that way. So go for it! And happy sleeping! #itsok
I clung on with my last till they gave it up, but that said I think it’s time to call time when you have had enough. I was forced to stop with my first two with going back to work which is probably why I eeked it out with the others as I could work round my kids then. Past a year they didn’t wake me in the night, if they had I’d have called time sooner! #DreamTeam
Good for toy. You shod do what is right for you and your family X #dreamteam
You’ve done amazingly well! As a fellow sleep deprivation sufferer I feel your pain. I weaned my youngest off the boob at 6 months, but can only imagine how much harder our sleepless nights would be if I was still breastfeeding. I hope sleep comes more freely for you now! Thanks so much for sharing with #ItsOK xx
You have done an amazing job. I only made it 6 months with the eldest and 4 with the youngest! You’re a rock star! Now go get some sleep! Thanks for linking up to the #itsok linky. Hope you join us again next week.
I agree… you have definitely done an amazing job. Only you will know when it’s right to call final rounds at the milk bar. Being sleep deprived is awful, so fingers crossed claiming back half the night at least will help over time. Thank you for stopping by the #dreamteam linky x
I didn’t even make it to a month unfortunately as I had some real issues, but well done you. I hope the sleep patterns get back to a good routine soon! #KCACOLS
Doesn’t sound like you’ve given up as such, you have done it for a long time and achieved alot!! #kcaols
Oh sweat heart you should never feel bad for wanting to end your breastfeeding journey 20 months in! You’ve done brilliantly but it is your body, remember that. All what you described brings it all back with my first born. He used to nurse 2 hourly from birth right up until 19 months when I decided I had enough. I was physically exhausted and reached the end of my tether with the bf gymnastics. To my surprise he also started sleeping through the night once night weaned, something I never thought possible. At present baby Fleur is ebf and think I’d continue until she is 1 year before calling time. Whilst we are Mothers and would do anything for our sweet children we have to look after ourselves too. Never feel guilty for ending that journey xx #KCACOLS
You have done amazingly well to keep going as long as you have, you should be so proud. you know your body and you need to do what is best for you and if stopping breastfeeding is what is best then you shouldn’t feel bad at all. Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next time
You have done amazing. Don’t feel bad. I only made it 6 months with my first. I am currently still nursing my 2-year-old, but I do feel your pain. I thought we were almost weaned about 6 months ago, but for some reason, he has gone into over-drive again the last couple of months. He doesn’t sleep through the night either. I wanted to go the self-weaning route but we are discussing trying for a third child so I think I want him weaned before I have a newborn. Good luck!! #KCACOLS
I definitely we put too much pressure on ourself to bf. I made it to 3 weeks due to various reasons but I’m glad i had the experience. #kcacols
I honestly can’t remember exactly what age our son was when he had his last breastfeed, but yes, he was over 2. The interrupted sleep however has continued, and he’s eleven now Much better now though than when he was a toddler. But to give tonight as an example, he fell asleep at around midnight, woke up again around 4am, and is still awake here next to me. Will hopefully settle back shortly so we can get another hour or two of sleep. Agree that sleep deprivation can be a massive struggle, hope it gets better for you soon! X
#KCACOLS
You’ve done amazingly well and I can’t believe you coped for all them days without sleep! Hats off to you Mama x
#KCACOLS
You have done brilliantly to feed for so long. I fed my daughter for 13 months and I can remember how utterly exhausted I felt by the end of that time. I really hope you start getting some decent sleep soon. x #KCACOLS
I only managed 11 weeks of exclusive breastfeeding and wish I could have done more. Well done for getting to 20 months we all know it’s no easy feat! #KCACOLS
I reached a similar conclusion with my youngest. He was 16ish months and I would have carried on until he wanted to stop but he just didn’t sleep. He woke up constantly because he wanted breastmilk and a cuddle and it was killing me off. You have to do what’s best for you, and to be honest, you’d already done amazingly!
#KCACOLS
I think you’ve done amazingly well to keep breastfeeding for this long and you deserve to start getting some decent sleep! I only managed to breastfeed my daughter 3 months, but wished I could have continued for longer. #kcacols