‘It was meant to be’ and ‘don’t worry, you can try again soon’.

Those are just some of the supposed words of comfort I received from well-meaning nurses when I suffered one miscarriage – and then another.

What to say to someone who's miscarried

A new study by parenting website Channel Mum has found that three quarters of women who’ve suffered a miscarriage have been left even more upset by those who have tried to comfort them – with ill thought out phrases such as ‘it’s nature’s way’ and ‘at least you know you can get pregnant’.

Having been there, done it and got the t-shirt – not once but twice – I know only too well what it’s like to be on the receiving end of such comments.

It wasn’t until I was 20 weeks pregnant with Little B in June 2014 that I first spoke about my miscarriages here on the blog, and the fact is that even in 2017 when we know one in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage the subject is still often considered the last taboo.

So to coincide with Baby Loss Awareness Week I’m sharing Channel Mum’s findings on the most comforting words you can say to a mum.

Baby Loss Awaresness Week

Founder of Channel Mum Siobhan Freegard says: “It’s worth remembering words are powerful so choose yours carefully. The wrong phrase, particularly one which belittles the loss or apportions blame – can be devastating. But a few well-chosen and thoughtful words can set a mum on the road to recovery.”

What to say to someone who’s miscarried

1. Even though it was early it was still your baby

2. It wasn’t your fault

3. Your baby will always be with you in your heart

4. It’s s**t. It will be s**t for a long time but at some point, it won’t be quite as s**t

5. I’m here if you want to talk about it

6. I’m sorry for your loss

7. Be kind to yourself

8. It’s OK to cry

9. It’s OK to be angry

10. It’s OK to be sad

Have you ever comforted a friend who’s miscarried? What did you say? Or if you’ve miscarried yourself were there any words that especially helped you?

For more information or support visit www.babyloss-awareness.org

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